Premier League Nonsense

2011-11-14T09:45:00.001+07:00

Becoming a professional footballer is not easy. Most of us aren’t blessed with the exhilarating ability of Lionel Messi, the sultry good looks of David Beckham or Carlos Tevez’ agent so we try and sate our football desire in other ways.

Some people become match officials. Referees and linesmen, they get to rub shoulders with players and show them who is boss with their whistle, cards and flags but really for anyone who is a keen student of the game, or is just football daft, it’s a real last resort. Because for people who really know football, who love the game, those officials, like traffic wardens and people who draw up complicated visa requirements, such positions maybe vital but not something you’d want to boast about to close friends at dinner parties or in the pub.

Other frustrated players get more involved in their local club. They may start fanzines or blogs, design and sell t shirts or just do their best to never miss a game home or away and make sure as many people as possible are aware of their limitless devotion.

Then we have match day stewards. What better way of showing how ‘in’ you are with football than wearing a yellow jacket every home game, watching for free and telling everyone else to sit down and shut up.

The high profile role of stewards at football is a relatively recent phenomenon. They have always been around but it’s only in recent years they have taken over many of the duties formerly carried out by policemen in stadiums.

Now, instead of policemen telling you not to raise that middle finger so often or asking you politely to sit down because the lady behind you, the one with the pink hat, can’t see through you, it’s stewards. And whereas before stewards would be fans of the club only to happy to help out, now they’re brought in, often by sub contractors, and instead of fans they are people on power kicks, often with sad meaningless lives away from the stadium with feelings of low self esteem.

But give them a uniform and the power to kick out football fans for celebrating a goal or questioning the parentage of the man with the whistle and a whole new persona takes over. They become a jobsworth. They may not know the offside rule, or have a clue who won the FA Cup in 1987 but they have memorized all the rules and regulations pertaining to a football stadium and the issuance of match day tickets.

They’ll quite happily tell a first time visitor to the stadium off for eating a bag of crisps they had bought outside, perhaps even threaten them with eviction, for no other reason than they can. It’s the regulations, and it’s more than his, or her, job is worth to overlook the matter. But deep inside they luxuriate in the power and the knowledge that they have this power over everyone in the stadium. Because they know the rules.

It’s not just England where these busy little people have made their mark. Singapore to. Singapore where the local league attracts crowds in the low hundreds, every game is manned by these people in their fluorescent jackets out to spoil someone’s evening.

I saw one man at a game with his son and during half time they started munching on some snacks they had brought with them. Along came the jobsworth in yellow and told them that no, if they wanted refreshment they must buy stuff from the vendors inside the stadium. It was written on the back of the ticket.

Father and son. They are the bedrock of football’s future. Every club needs them attending games regularly to keep the gene pool revolving on the terraces. That’s not the way the jobsworth looks at it.

A few feet away, at the same game, there were a handful of fans banging drums and waving flags. The same tickets actually forbid drums and flags from the stadium but for some reason best known to jobsworth it was a man and his son he picked on.

The SEA Games football competition started last week in Jakarta with teams like Myanmar, Brunei, Timor Leste, Vietnam and Laos doing their best to excite the fans. Without the hosts Indonesia, or even local powerhouses Malaysia, Thailand and Singapore, turnout was always going to be low, and that was before ticket prices were announced with the best tickets in the stadium going for an outrageous 500,000 rupiah.

So far empty seats have surrounded security officials and stewards as games are played in front of a few expats and a plethora of uninterested people with clipboards. And stewards. Stewards everywhere. Standing on the stairs, standing at the gates, standing in the aisles. Everywhere you looked there were stewards.

I don’t doubt the stewards were told by their bosses to stand up during the game. The problem with that idea, apart from being totally daft and tiring on the poor lasses in their platform shoes, is that the fans who actually bought tickets had their view blocked by these mannequins. Ask one to sit down and she would shuffle along the row and stand in front of someone else, blocking their view. And when they finally did sit down, you should have seen their nervous glances up to the VIP box.

Good stewarding, like good policing and good refereeing, should be invisible. Unfortunately, given the fragile egos who take up the glow in the dark jacket, being anonymous isn’t on the menu. What’s the point of being a jobsworth if you can’t impress on people how much you think your job is worth?

Carling Cup

2011-11-14T09:42:00.000+07:00

It has long been thought that the big English clubs have looked down their noses at the Carling Cup. With the stature of the English Premier League as well as the importance clubs place on qualifying for the UEFA Champions League the Carling Cup is assumed to have slipped down the list of priorities at the big teams.

The facts however suggest otherwise. One from Arsenal, Chelsea, Liverpool and Manchester United has appeared in every final in 2004. If you add Tottenham Hotspur to that list, they have always taken the competition more seriously than other clubs, then only one final since 1998 has featured none of the five.

Managers like Sir Alex Ferguson and Jose Mourinho would suggest that winning is a habit that needs to run through the whole club and that by winning even the ‘lowly’ Carling Cup would provide a boost throughout the football club as well as giving the fans something to cheer. And certainly Manchester United fans have had plenty to cheer about having won the trophy three times in the last six years.

Contrast that with Arsenal where manager Arsene Wenger has frequently expressed his contempt for the competition though after the heartbreaking defeat to Birmingham City last season perhaps he has now changed his view.

This season’s quarter final draw shows how seriously the big teams take the competition. The new money bags of English football, Manchester City, travel to London to take on last season’s beaten finalists, Arsenal who have turned around a season that was heading to debacle a couple of months back.

Chelsea host Liverpool. The Blues have appeared in four finals since 1998, winning two, while Liverpool have appeared in more finals than any other team, ten, and won more than any other team, seven. Liverpool have been showing signs of starting to gel and Kenny Dalglish, part of the Liverpool team that won the trophy in four successive years back in the 1980s knows all about how important picking up a winners medal is for a player’s self esteem.

At Old Trafford Manchester United will take on Crystal Palace. Ironically, given the perceived wisdom of big club apathy being a recent phenomena, United have never really rated the competition and it wasn’t until 1983 that they made their first final. They lost to Liverpool but Sir Alex has been less condescending and under his reign they have appeared in seven finals, winning four. Including back to back triumphs in 2009 and 2010.

The only romance on the cards will come from Wales where Cardiff City host Blackburn Rovers. The Lancashire side of course won the trophy back in 2002, their only success so far.

The odds are the final this year will yet again be dominated by the big boys of English football leaving the minnows to fight for the scraps and pray for the occasional home draw, like Aldershot hosting Manchester United in the last round, which can provide a much needed financial windfall. Still, Birmingham City showed last season what is possible.

The likes of Manchester United and Arsenal have used the cup as a training ground for their younger players as well as an opportunity for players on the fringes of the squad to show their worth.

The facts though suggest that

The Gervinho Effect

2011-10-31T16:47:00.001+07:00

Back in July of this year Arsene Wenger went out and spent some money. Instead of signing a defender which the whole world felt he needed he went and signed another wide player. Another one to join the likes of Theo Walcott, Andrei Arsharvin, Samir Nasri and Emmanuel Eboue. Arsenal fans scratched their heads. Why another wide player when we are so painfully in need of doing something about our porous rearguard.

Wenger’s magic touch in the transfer market had seemed to have dried up over recent years with several big money signings, big by Arsenal’s minimart standards, failed to make any real impact. Just what could Gervinho bring to the team that wasn’t already there?

Well he marked his debut, away to Newcastle United, with a red card on the opening day of the season, being suckered in by Joey Barton. A less than stellar introduction to the English Premier League for the Ivory Coast international but perhaps a lesson that needed learning when you consider the quietness and politeness of the current Arsenal squad.

His suspension also meant he missed the horror shows against Liverpool and Manchester United when Arsenal’s paper thin squad was exposed for what it was.

Despite that early set back at St James’ Park, Gervinho has settled in well at the club though it is his skipper Robin van Persie who has been getting all the curtain calls so far this season. But Gervinho has impressed with his pace and directness, his willingness to run at opponents and get to the bye line. A far cry from the pat a cake football Arsenal fans have been used to over recent years or the inconsistency of Theo Walcott.

Gervinho netted 15 times last season for Lille as they went on to win the French Ligue One but Wenger will have noticed the Ivorian international had also provided 10 assists for his team mates. And it’s that form he has replicated so quickly this season with five assists in his opening 10 games for the Arsenal, two coming against Stoke City for van Persie.

When you add his two goals to those assists there is an argument that Gervinho has settled in far quicker to Arsene Wenger’s way of doing things rather quicker than the likes of Dennis Bergkamp, Thierry Henry and Robert Pires and look how their careers panned out.

Now that Arsenal are settling into some form after a shocking start to the season much of the spotlight has been on skipper van Persie’s impressive goal scoring form. Wenger may be happy that continues while Gervinho keeps doing the business off the radar.

When Stats Lie

2011-10-29T09:23:00.002+07:00

Arsenal have won seven games in the last eight leading to a belief in the red half of North London that a corner has been turned and that the shocking start to the season is now well and truly behind them.

Well, yes, seven in eight does look good. Until you get up close and personal with those numbers. Six of the eight were home games! Two were Carling Cup against Shrewsbury and Bolton. One was Champions League. EPL victories against Sunderland and Stoke City were less than convincing.

Throw in that defeat at that place up the Seven Sisters and suddenly the seven in eight don't look too rosy.

Arsene Wenger will probably say that you can only play what's in front of you and he'd be right. But I can't believe confidence is suddenly bursting out round the London Colney among players who have croaked time and time again in big games over the years and still show deficiencies at the back; witness Stoke's goal last weekend when they had three free touches in the penalty area before Crouch scored.

It's too early to assess the impact of new signings like Mikel Arteta, Per Mertasacker and Andre Santos but this afternoon away to Chelsea would be a good a time as any. Arsenal have been woefully short of big time players in recent seasons and despite their defeat at QPR last weekend Chelsea still remain a potent threat to any team with ambitions of Champions League football next season.

Victory today for the Arsenal and Arsene Wenger can look forward to a bit more of that trust he called for at the Annual General Meeting. But a defeat, no matter how convincingly Arsenal play, will be just be seen as same old, same old by the faithful and those seven in eight will count for jackshit.

Rebuild The Trust

2011-10-28T16:36:00.001+07:00

Arsenal manager Arsene Wenger ended the Annual General Meeting with a call to the heart of Arsenal supporters everywhere. He understands the discontent and the frustration he told the meeting but he asked for more time and he asked for supporters to trust in him.

Arsenal fans have trusted in him. They have trusted in him for six uneventful years and only now are serious questions being asked about whether he is the man to run the football club in the future. Fans have trusted Wenger and he responded to that trust by fielding dross like Emmanuel Eboue, Manuel Almunia and Denilson, telling us at the same time they were part of the best squad he had ever built at Arsenal.

It wasn’t. Far from it. Of course he’s not going to come out and say they were bad players but it was painfully evident early on that any master plan built around those three, plus others of course, was doomed to failure. The best teams have the best keepers yet Wenger gave us a Spanish journeyman who had never stayed anywhere long enough to become a regular. Until he came to North London.

Winston Churchill had his Wilderness Years before returning to lead the United Kingdom in the Second World War. How will history view Wenger’s Looney Years? Signings like Mikael Silvestre and Amuary Bischoff came in unexplained and left in a similar manner. Beanpole striker Niklas Bendtner was stuck on the wing while he stuck doggedly to the fallacy that Samir Nasri and Cesc Fabregas would stay with the club during the pre season and that the squad was big enough to cope with the new season even though defensive frailties had undermined trophy challenges for as long as anyone could remember.

Wenger is asking for fans to show trust but the current dissent is because many feel that trust has been misplaced over recent years. The Frenchman needs to regain that trust and he can make a start by taking his head out of the sand and wake up to the realities of the game today and not how he would like it to be in the future.

Signing average players to long term contracts has become a millstone round the club’s neck while playing stingy on big name player’s salary demands has seen big names, frustrated by the lack of progress on the field, queue up to leave.

No matter how the club like to dress things up, the 8-2 away to Manchester United was a turning point. New blood was needed, the fans knew it and the media knew it. Only Wenger couldn’t see it. It took Old Trafford to poke the board into action and Wenger went out and freshened up the squad.

Szezsney’s performances in goal, and just as importantly as an imposing Peter Schmeichel type figure between the sticks have convinced Gooners they finally have a decent keeper while Gervinho up front has brought a directness that has been absent for several seasons.

The signings have bought Wenger time. He should use it to regain the trust of the fans.

Time To Back Arsene

2011-09-02T06:00:00.002+07:00

For the last four years I've been whining about the fare that has been on offer from the Arsenal. The tippy tappy cul de sac football may have the neutrals swooning but I have been less than impressed and when you add the serial croaking in big games to the most insipid group of players we've had wear the shirt in many a year then reasons for the frustrations are clear.

Finally it seems that Arsene Wenger has woken up and smelled the roses. Players like Hleb, Adebayor and Gallas left a couple of seasons ago, players I will always associate with the worst of Arsenal for their attitude as much as anything else, but this summer Wenger seems to have finally conceded his master plan for youth has been a failure and the players he built his hopes around have been exposed for what they are. Highly paid egos in shin pads.

Eboue has finally left after an incredible six years of anodyne diving and posturing. Being brought up on the likes of McNab, Nelson, Sansom and Winterburn it's fair to say Arsenal fans know a thing or two about left backs. Gael Clichy? The anonymus left back spent something like eight years with the club yet he never had fans clamouring to have his name on the back of their shirts. His limited impact on the club can be seen in the fact that when he lined up for Manchester City at White hart Lane the home support barely stirred themselves to jeer him for his Arsenal connection.

There are still some players who remain at the club, unwanted by the wider football community. Almunia was a journeyman keeper at lower level Spanish teams before Wenger inexplicably added him to a heritage that features greats like Seaman, Jennings, Wilson and Kelsey. And Squillaci remains at the club, unwanted by others, unloved by the fans.

Fabregas will be missed no doubt by the teenbopper girly support who love a pretty face but the injury prone one was always going to leave and he doesn't leave much of a legacy. More though than Nasri who offered a mere glimpse of what he could do before getting all Billy Big Bollocks.

But they're the past. The past of nightmares maybe but still the past. Better late than never, and had we won at Old Trafford last weekend would Wenger have been so busy in the transfer market, the youth first policy has been ripped to pieces and the club have engaged on what seems like an eminently sensible transfer policy.

Yes, the kids are still alright in Wenger's eyes. The signings of they hyphenated Chamberlain, the Japanese Ryo and Carl Jenkinson prove that. Gervinho brings a huge, shiny forehead and a directness Hleb and co would have repulsed at. Mertesacker? Hey, Wenger is the man who signed Stepanovs, Cygan and Squillaci! The German international cost about eight million quid. Bolton wanted double that for Cahill with his three caps and a couple of holidays in Spain!

Arteta brings flair and experience when for so long we have been used to just the flair with some promise added in for good measure.

When the big clubs give players to Arsenal then beware. Remember Gallas and Silvestre? Yossi Benayoun may well be treated with suspicion in the early days given the track record of the aforementioned duo but he is skillful and he is experienced and we need experience added to the squad so hopefully he will be a useful squad member.

Add these players to the likes of Szez, Sagna, RvP, Wilshire, Ramsey and Walcott and suddenly we have the makings of a good squad. Not Premier League winning good but an improvement on what we have had before, and who knows, if Wenger can finally push Walcott up top, as he has been promising for several years, we may well have the pace and nous to challenge seriously for a cup or two.

Enjoy The Moment

2011-08-29T04:45:00.001+07:00

The last few months haven’t been much fun for Arsenal fans. Last season’s implosion following the Carling Cup Final defeat against Birmingham City, their later relegation just rubbed salt into the aching wound, remains fresh in the memory.

Fans were promised a busy pre season in the transfer market but I don’t think many envisaged how busy it would be. And in which direction. Skipper Cesc fabregas and Samir Nasri decided they would have better chance of trophies, and a healthy retirement fund, elsewhere while others like Denilson and Emmanuel Eboue, frequent bit part players in Arsene Wenger’s vision of the club’s future, have moved on and players like Sebastian Squillaci, Nicklas Bendtner and Manuel Almunia have proved tricky to dispose of.

Amid the off field turmoil the club really needed a good start to the new season and indeed they are actually top of the table. In red cards.

Failing to score in the opening English Premier League and Wenger’s perceived reluctance to buy anyone over the age of 21 further soured the support which is increasingly being split into two disparate camps. The Arsene Knows Brigade against the Arsene Out bunch. About the only thing that unites the two warring sides is a loathing of a silent but increasingly wealthy board who contribute little meaningful to any debate leaving Wenger to be the fall guy.

Against this background victory in Udinese in the Champions League qualifier then is to be savoured, especially as it came against the odds. A1-0 llead from the first leg was thought to be too slender and there was a widespread belief the Gunners could not keep the Italians from scoring in front of their own fans.

As it happened Udinese took the lead and when they were awarded a penalty Arsenal fans, and their manager, must have thought here we go again. But it saw saved. Not just saved. It was a superb stop from the young Polish keeper Sceczney who has grown in stature and confidence over the last six months.

It is too early to describe the save as a season defining moment just as Liiverpool’s win at Emirates is not the precursor for a title challenge. But you could almost sense the confidence surge through the players veins and taking inspiration from their keeper Arsenal went for it. And got the result they wanted.

It was therefore a bit deflating to read various social networks from the so called wise heads cautioning caution. Obviously one win against a depleted Udinese is not the guarantee of later success, no one is suggesting that. But after all the bad news round the club it is good to savour a good win against the odds, something we haven’t managed for many years.

For many football fans, supporting your team is a labour of love. Yes, you moan, complain, which you were elsewhere but you wouldn’t miss a game for the world. Most teams tend to hover in mid table, flirt with relegation or promotion and hang on for the odd good cup run. Glory is hard to find for fans of Coventry City, Colchester United or Chesterfield, they grab it with both hands when it comes along no matter how temporary it is.

There is still life left in the Arsenal and I for one will savour the buzz for as long as possible. Because on Sunday we play Manchester United at Old Trafford and we will soon return to reality.

But till then I’m buzzing!

(First appeared in Jakarta Globe after Udinese game and before Man United in August 2011)

More Pots Please, Arsene

2011-08-18T10:44:00.002+07:00

Finally a story that never had any legs can be put to bed. Arsene Wenger has signed a new contract that will run till 2011 becoming the longest serving Arsenal manager in history. There was little chance the urbane Frenchman, who says I feel more often than Robbie Williams, leaving. It is not in his nature, I feel, to leave Arsenal without some warning allowing a successor to be lined up.

Now he can concentrate on winning more silverware. Nigel Winterburn, the former Arsenal left back, said that they should be looking at some silverware within three years. Far be it from me to disagree with the left footed legend but silverware is required sooner than three years. I’m thinking more like 9 months!

Nothing like being greedy but while no club has a divine right to win things it has become a necessary this season. Two years ago in the Champions League Final after taking the lead against Barcelona we lost 2-1. Last season after taking the lead against Chelsea in the Carling Cup we lost 2-1. Both finals incidentally saw red cards for Arsenal players as did the FA Cup Final in 2005 which we somehow won. Of more concern are the finals we lost. If winning is a habit then what is losing?

Maybe the Champions League Final was the swansong of one Arsenal team, the Carling the birth of another and we shouldn’t read too much into it but I am surprised the mainstream media haven’t picked up on this yet. Just Toure, Almunia, Eboue, Hleb and Fabregas were involved in both games. Do Arsenal bottle it at the last minute? Is there a mental toughness missing from today’s vintage, one that was previously instilled by the likes of Adams, Keown, Vieria and Bergkamp? This season it is up to Gallas to start playing the game as he talked it for much of tlast season. For 11 leaders on the pitch. For Diaby to shake off his injury and become the new Abou Diaby. For Fabregas to add steel and goals from midfield. For Eboue, who was named to be ebullient, to attack with pace, defend with strength and stop rolling round like a baby hippo on bath day when he gets touched.

It is time for Hleb and Rosicky to take control more. For Hleb to be more adventurous around the box and spurn the eye of the needle pass in favour of the easy option. Adebayor needs more goals, more ruthlessness. Get in where it hurts, take risks, unsettle defenders. Ever since we lost our unbeaten record at Old Trafford back in 2004 some teams have seen us as a soft touch and shown that by getting physical we can be had. With Reyes that was true, Henry and Pires to an extent but they have gone. Hopefully Wenger has taught these new guys to play the beautiful game but they must earn the right to play. if it means upsetting a few purists then so be it. Some George Graham qualities, his teams didn’t concede many goals in the last minute, added to Arsene’s and the future is Arsenal’s.

There is some right old nonsense spoken about Arsenal and the young players there. New signing Sagna is 24, assistant vice second captain Kolo Toure is 26. Rosicky is an old man, 27 next month while new forward Eduardo is 24 and Gallas dates from the Jurassic era. Hleb is 26, van Persie 24 while Gilberto will be 31 next month. The lads are not so young now and many of them have had valuable experience over the last couple of years in the Champions League. They are also playing with a freedom and verve that was absent last season when Thierry Henry was in the line up. shorn of the heroic striker they are free to pass and go and not worry about les sulks from the master up front. They have tasted the heartache of defeat in a major final, it is up to them to show experience and make sure this season sees at least one piece of silverware makes it to the Emirates trophy cabinet. I feel they will.

First appeared on www.espnstar.com in September 2007. My optimism seems a bit misplaced!

1 Nil Up, 2-1 Down

2011-08-01T16:36:00.002+07:00

Back in the day one of our favourite anthems was 1-0 up, 2-1 down...especially in 86/87 against Liverpool and the Totts.

Under Wenger the words have become reversed. Just look at these high profile reversals...

2001 FA Cup Final v Liverpool

2006 Champions League Final v Barcelona

2007 Carling Cup Final v Chelsea

2011 Carling Cup Final v Birmingham City

There are plenty of other examles of course...way too many. Wenger likes to boast the team has 11 leaders and 11 captains but that's bollocks. They don't. They lack any leaders and any meaningful captain and have done for several years.

You cannot win things without quality defenders and keepers. Wenger has only built one decent defence, with Campbell and Toure, but he has struggled to sign good defenders for way too long. It's like he doesn't care...what else explains the inactivity and the consistent shopping at mini marts when charging Harrod's prices?

Memories Of Watching Arsenal In Asia

2011-05-25T19:23:00.000+07:00

1999 Thailand v Arsenal

Recent years had seen a host of European big names heading to Bangkok seeking to cash in on the growing interest in football. Especially English football. Manchester United, Liverpool, Chelsea, Newcastle. Even Middlesboro and Newcastle had come over along with Bayern Munchen, AC Milan and others so it was only right the biggest should come over.

The Arse had previously been in Asia. Back in the wonderfully dull as dishwater days of Terry Neill, bubble perms and short shorts, the Arse went to play in Indonesia a couple of meaninigless friendlies which had seen Neill fall out with all n sundry. But there had been little or no publicity. Now, especially since USA '94, Cantona and Beckham, English football was riding along at the crest of the wave and Arsenal wanted a piece of the action so a couple of friendlies were lined up, the other being in Kuala Lumpar.

But working in Bangkok at the time, this was obviously the biggie. Bergkamp had checked his Thomas Cook and found that he could get from London to Bangkok nearly by train viaMoscow, Beijing, Kunming, Hanoi and Phnom Penh with a couple of bus journeys thrown in but he decided to stay at home and water the garden. Mind you, if he'd had www.pissedupasia.com to guide him...

The stadium had been years in construction and had finally been made ready for the '98 Asian Games but I have little recollection of the venue. A bowl shaped 80,000 seater was nearly full for the visit of Anelka, Adams et all but yours truly was blissfully ignorant of all around him as lunch time in Bobby's Arms kicked in. 1 - 0 down after 5 minutes, I was convinced we had scraped an honourable 2 - 2 draw till I saw the paper the next day. Kanu scored twice in a 4 - 3 reverse but who cares...I nicked a poster, chatted up miserably a bar maid, saw my mates edge away from me and my anti Tottenham songs and suffered the ignomy of a phone call a few days later from a Thai friend who told me she had been sitting a few rows down from me but was scared to talk to me.

Seats???

2001 Man Utd v Arsenal

How well I remember our first 6 - 1 reverse in my time as an Arsenal fan. I was living in Belgium, we were the second best team in the country after United. We put out an understrength team and wa got tonked. That was 1973, Leeds were the best. In 1987 I went to Goodison Park, saw us play well enough in the first half to be clapped off the field yet we were 4 - 1 down, soon to lose 6 - 1 to the best team in the land, inspired by Gary Lineker. Fast forward another 14 years to Old Trafford, again against the best team in the land. For reasons that escape me, Grimandi and Stepanovs were our central defensive pairing. But this 6 - 1 was different. Against Leeds I was a 9 year old in love with Joanna Smith, a blonde siren in my class, just coming to terms with the fact that the football hormone can be overpowering. Goodison, well, I was there. I knew how we played and I was there in that ropey tin pot stand behind the goal cheering us daftly to oblivion. But Old Trafford...that was different...

Much older, less wiser, Dhaka Bangladesh was home for this fixture. ESPN had secured the rights for the English Premiership and to be fair the coverage weren't bad. The problem lay in areas. There was Hong Kong, there was India. India is of course obssessed with cricket and we in Dhaka received our ESPN from the Indian satellite. Which meant that we didn't get every game live. Not if there was a cricket match. Somewhere. Anywhere. And this was the case for the Manchester United Arsenal game. ESPN was showing cricket, not the football.

Unable to get to Bangkok, my usual escape clause, I had to make do with watching the game live on soccernet.com and it's tele text print out. You know what I mean

1 min Adams throw in, Giggs clears

Not an enjoyable way of watching a football match if there is such a thing, but it was all I had. Waiting for the next episode is painfully slow. 2 min Corner to Arsenal. You are then waiting on tendeerhooks while the person who does the input reads the programme, finishes his wagon wheel and panda pop before proudly telling the world 4 min Penalty United. Hold on!!! What happened to our bloody corner you bloody numpty...

So there I was, settled down in front of the monitor, connected to the ether and the game starts. The phone rings, I answer it, return to the monitor and we're 1 - 0 down. Eh? Go for a piss. 2 - 0. Download some e mails and what do ya bloody know but we're 3 - 0 down and my dinner has not finished turning in the microwave. And you know the worst thing, sitting there in Darkest Dhaka. The worst thing is I could do squiddly about it. Absolute zip. In the stadium I could scream at Grimandi and Igor along with the other fans who had made the trip. Even in a bar watching it on TV I could throw my empties at the screen. But what can you do in front of the bloody computer? The computer, the internet, for all the benefits it undoubtedly brings to the work place is ultimately a machine. A cold, mechanical, humourless, passionless machine. You are left dribbling at the screen, overcome by this feeling of impotence while thousands of miles away a stand in from a cheap hammer horror movie is wearing your shirt and playing like Andy Pandy in stilettos.

2001 Arsenal v Spurs FA Cup S/F

This was our third semi against that lot from N17 and I still hadn't seen one. I'd done the epic League Semis in 1987 which had been most enjoyable. But '91 I was living in Sydney, on the piss in Woolloomoolloo in the days before live football. In '93 I was living in Germany, had gone to see the girlie in Munchen and returned on the day of the semi to find my mate Keith crying in his beer in the Rose and Crown. So for the 3rd time in 10 years we were to meet and this time i was in Bangladesh. With no live coverage again. But this time I had Sky News with regular updates and action to supplement the soccernet.com text. 1 nil down, two one up is a regular refrain to Arsenal fans against the Totts and so it was on this day but what keeps this in the mind is not the game itself but what happened after.

You know how when you are really buzzing, really up for something. You wanna party all night, have a crack, knock back the beers...Exactly how I felt so I went down the BAGHA expecting the usual crowd, expecting to share my joy with kindred spirits, to share my delight with...3 morbid scousers who seemed to think suicide was preferable to living in Dhaka. So there I was,an excitable Gooner turning cartwheels in the bar and my audience was Tweedledee, Tweedledum and Dylan from the Magic Roundabout.

C'mon lads, have a bevy, I'm buying...

You're allright mate...

C'mon lads, who's died...

The missus has left me...

That's all right, go to Thailand tomorrow, Now get a beer...

You'd think it couldn't get any worse. You'd think anybody coming into the bar would be an improvement. Then in comes some aging Newcastle supporter. There's Gooner all excited...

Mike, what you havin'...

You're allright son...not in the mood...

Jeez you old farts. Four of them looking like death warmed up and me like I wanna party like it's 1999. I went behind the bar and changed the music.

We Gotta Get Outta This Place...

2001 Derby v Arsenal

That's all Every once in a while it becomes necessary for a long stayer in Thailand to cross the border and get a new visa. In Soppy's early days this meant a nightmare train trip down to Penang or Kota Bahru in Malaysia but as neighbouring countries Laos and Cambodia dragged themselves into the modern age then more interesting alternatives became possible. Vientiane being once such place.

Vientiane is a sleepy riverine capital of French influence and where a baguette is as widely available as rice. The nightlife will be unrecognisable to those who were here when the Americans, ahem, shouldn't have been bombing the shit outta the place, but their legacy remains. Not least in the ordanance that still claims the innocent long after the Yanks packed up their P/X and basket ball hoops and returned home.

B 52 Bar refers not to the cocktail, nor the band who sang about a rock lobster but the bloody great symbol of US power and might that is often sent out against such world powers as Iraq, Laos and Cambodia and some shells are displayed here. But this report is about a weekend trip for football and having discovered this bar was showing the game, we settled down with a local bevy.

But the bar owner decided to show Tottenham play Manchester United, probably out of sympathy for the poor totts fan in the corner so instead of watching Henry and co destroy some pissy team from the East Midlands we endured this minor stuff. The Totts were scoring for fun, 1 0, 2 0. Jeez, it was bloody 3 - 0 to 'em at half time and our resident daughter of Hoddle was turning hands stands in her little piece of paradise on the banks of the Mekhong.

But a game lasts for 90 minutes and it never pays to celebrate too early but I guess this is a lesson taught by experience and not a peeved Gooner pining cos he can't seen his own team.

Normally, the ideal result, at least from my point of view, in this game is a dull old nil nil, but such was the joy being displayed by the aforementioned lady that for once an exception could be made and, whisper it, a United 3 points was prayed for. Out of sheer bloody minded spite you understand. Man U get one back but still our Totts fan is cocky enough to beleive the 3 points are hers. A second and she starts to quieten down. Heaven forbid, the buggers equalise. Silence hangs heavy among the swirling cigarette smoke and the radiance beaming from the Arse contigent that becomes a fully fledged aurora borealis as afourth, then a fifth rattle into the back of the old onion bag and our joy is magnified by a factor of a zillion at her face. Oh what children can the football supporter be, misery was etched deep in her face.

But was it truly necessary, as the result had sunk in, confirmed by repeated re runs of United's second half goals, was it really necessary, as poor misty eyes walked out the bar, chin dragging along the floor, was it REALLY necessary to say...

Well, it's only a game...

You Bet!!!

England's World Cup Bid

2011-05-11T04:18:00.002+07:00

A bunch of stiff necked suits will be running round England for the next few days poking their noses into every nook and cranny of England’s latest World Cup bid ahead of FIFA’s announcement in December of where the 2018 World Cup will be held.

In footballing terms it’s a no brainer. Football and logic dictates England will get to host the World Cup for the first time since 1966. Everything, but everything is in place to make the fiesta the best ever. The stadiums are in place, there is infrastructure, and there are hotels. The English are second to none when it comes to sports marketing.

There will be none of this last minute panic like we saw in South Africa as orgainsers rush to get stadiums finished.

We have a football public that leads the world in face painting, we boast the most popular league in the world with the biggest clubs in the world. We have David Beckham, Wayne Rooney and, um, Peter Crouch.

We have Wembley Stadium, Old Trafford and Milton Keynes. And of course we have the infrastructure in place from the 2012 Olympic Games.

Look at our competition. Russia, with its nascent racism and rampant corruption. A joint bid from Spain and Portugal as well as those tiny countries Belgium and the Netherlands.

Assuming the 2018 World Cup goes to Europe it has to be England.

Unfortunately World Cups are rarely about football. They are political largesse and the members who decide who will host a World Cup are political animals and when it comes to sports politics the English are neophytes.

We may have David Beckham but it’s people like the CONCACAF Chairman Jack Warner who will decide who is successful and who is not.

Warner plays the game with the subtlety of a street fighter. He has gone on record as saying that ‘for Europe, England is an irritant’ and ‘nobody in Europe likes England’ only to apologise when England promised to play his country, Trinidad & Tobago, in a friendly.

England, with our notions of fair play and steady on old chap, stand no chance against the likes of him.

Our efforts to be hosts aren’t helped by FIFA’s ‘flexible’ approach to hosts and why they select a certain host. Legacy is a buzz word for these people and one reason why South Africa got the nod for 2010 was the legacy for Africa as a whole. That African football would benefit later on down the line from it’s first ever tournament.

The same argument was also applied in 2002 when Japan and South Korea co-hosted and 1994 when the USA got the games. The World Cup, it was presumed, would generate unprecedented interest in the game locally and within the region.

That’s all nice and dandy as far as it goes.

But what about Germany in 2006? France in 1998? Italy in 1990? Spain in 1982? West Germany in 1974? There was little or no legacy from those old Europe countries hosting the games. And the fact that the Germans have twice being host tells you all about how they play the game compared to the way England pussy foot round the corridors of power.

But with a Russian bid on the table FIFA can now get back on their high horse and pontificate about how Russia is new Europe, about how it’s time for Eastern Europe to take centre stage.

The FIFA members are already in England as they assess each individual bid. They’ll know about Wembley, they’ll know about Bobby Charlton. They’ll expect cucumber sandwiches at the finest hotels and they’ll expect obsequious officials to try and ingratiate themselves.

But that may count for nothing if England’s Prime Minister, David Cameroon, continues with his holidays and sends his deputy instead to meet them.

Yes, we gave the game to the world. But unless we get street smart we may never host football’s greatest show again.

This first appeared in Jakarta Globe in 2010

The Case Against Goal Line Technology

2011-05-04T17:52:00.001+07:00

I wonder if i was the only person who cringed when German Chancellor Angela Merkel apologized after Frank Lampard’s goal had been chalked off during the England v Germany world cup tie. Why would she feel the need to apologise for what happens on a football field? Has she apologized to the Turks yet for refusing to support their bid for EU membership?

In the wake of that decision the media went into overdrive with a clarion call demanding on goal line technology so that refs won’t make such crucial errors in the future.

Of course the problem with goal line technology is that it only covers the goal line. What about the rest of the field? A perfect case in point came when Carlos Tevez scored from an offside position for Argentina. How would technology have cancelled that goal? Or when Diego Maradona scored for Argentina against England using his hand?

Football is not like tennis or cricket where simulation can tell us whether a serve was in or whether there was a justified shout for Leg Before Wicket. Controversy can happen anywhere on a fooball field and if we are to use technology then it needs to cover the pitch, the whole pitch and nothing but the pitch.

In fact it doesn’t even need to be technology. All football needs is to put someone in with the TV editors. Then, when something happens on the field the ref can ask for a second opinion and the official can check the incident from a number of angles before coming to a final decision.

What is interesting about the Lampard incident was the reaction in the press box. As the ball spun back into play most of the gathered journalists, from the vantage point high above the field, weren’t sure whether the ball had crossed the line or not.

It was only after TV replays that they knew what a gaff had been committed.

But the match officials don’t have that luxury. They are at ground level and they have nano seconds to respond. The rules are explicit. If the referee has doubts then play on. Obviously the ref had doubts so he did what he had been trained to do.

For the English of course the fact that a perfectly good goal had been disallowed was manna from heaven. It meant that they could overlook the performance of a team that rarely looked like scoring and blame an outsider for their misfortune, albeit temporarily.

I feel sorry for match officials these days. Yes, they deserve to be called every name under the sun for the 90 minutes they are on the field. Journeys home after the game without abusing the men with the whistle and flags seem somewhat empty. Like traffic wardens and lawyers they deserve everything they get.

But now, with football being minutely analysed 24/7 it seems just too convenient. Football has become a game of two halves and when you lose you blame the ref. and TV pundits, often ex players, just can’t wait to have a dig at the man in the middle. Surely, if the ex players cared so much they would be the one with the whistle? That won’t happen of course, much easier to sit in the studio and criticize away rather than getting wet and abused on a Saturday afternoon.

Match officials are only human, rather like players in fact. And rather like players they will make mistakes. Instead of just heaping opprobrium on them we should allow them the means to get assistance on the big decisions. And the best help would surely come from an extra pair of eyes watching on TV.

There is of course no guarantee a spare set of eyes would call the decision correctly. But then that’s football and what’s wrong with the human element anyway?

NOTE - this first appeared in the Jakarta Globe!

Shut Up & Pay Up

2011-05-02T01:57:00.003+07:00

I was about six years old, perhaps seven and just starting to have memories of the world around. After a few years in North London my family had moved overseas and I think I wasn't happy about it. My old man wrote to Arsenal, telling them it was my birthday but with a new school and a new language to handle I wasn't expecting much.

Then he comes home from work one day saying guess what, I got a letter from Bertie Mee. If you don't know who he is you're reading the wrong blog! I was excited with all the excitement a seven year old can muster about his latest hobby.

After dinner I was shown the letter itself. Written on Arsenal headed paper. I had never seen anything like it. The Arsenal badge at the top was slightly bumpy as if extra ink had been used to highlight the sender.

The letter went on to wish me happy birthday, I think, and told me about a few enclosures. Like an Arsenal pennent, an Arsenal rosette and a piece of paper, again with the Arsenal heading, featuring the names and signatures of our first team squad.

To say I was made up was an understatement. That somebody in North London, a place I still called home, had cared enough to scribble off a few lines, pop some souvenirs into an envelope and mail it overseas had me feeling so bloody important. Wow, my name had been spoken in the marble halls...

It was a small touch but an oh so vital one.

Now of course, football has changed beyond recognistion and as you can probably guess from the title of my drivel here I am not the biggest fan of the changes. I guess most of us get more conservative as we age; the olden days we grew up in were the best because it shaped our lives and developed our own personal culture.

Football is now a global industry where players of varying ability parley themselves obscene salaries more than matching captains of industry and the celebrity world. To pander to players clubs need to be more innovative when it comes to raising money to pay these people. One of the ways they do this in England of course is through merchandising, catering and out and out prostitution where anything has its price...like putting your name on your seat?!

I'm fine with that. If clubs are daft enough to fork out stupid money then that's their look out though they need to remember they are just custodians of something far older than them. If fans are happy to fork out on two or three new club shirts per season, plus ones for family members, then bully for them. Never underestimate people's capacity for self delusion, witness American Idol, The Apprentice and queuing to buy an I Pad 2 despite having only just bought the I Pad 1.

But like in any business it is important not to turn your backs on your customer. To take them for granted. To treat them like shit.

Last night I was at the 8th anniversary of the Arsenal Supporters' Club in Indonesia and a big night was planned at their headquarters in leafy Blok M. Special guests were lined up, a special video put together, an amazing cake shaped like the new stadium. A whole heap of work had gone into making the night a special one for the fans of the Arsenal.

All that was missing was any acknowledgement from the club at the heart of the festivities. Despite being told by various officials their anniversary was coming up, despite the fact the the club has a dedicated department overseeing supporters clubs around the world. Despite the fact that Arsene Wenger sends out a personal email each week highlighting his latest excuses for ref bashing, despite the fact that several Arsenal players have Twitter accounts, nobody could be bothered to reply or send a small momento.

How sick is that? That not one person at the Arsenal headquarters saw fit to say congrats, to send a little something says volumes about the game today and their attitude to the people who pay the bills.

Basically the club said 'we don't give a toss. By the way don't forget to buy the new club shirts when they come out.

Arsenal won, 1-0 and the fans celebrated as if they were in the Plimsoll or Gunners, but the fact that there was nothing from the club left a sour taste in manys mouths.

It seems a shame that no one there last night will ever feel the delight I did almost 40 years ago when I got that letter from Bertie Mee. Back then we didn't have so many alternatives for hobbies. Today, people play computer games, they collect hand phones and hand bags, there are many more attractions for their cash. Arsenal, and English football, need to wake up to this fact because an aging fan base, average age of fans is mid 40s and the number of teenagers on the terraces is tiny, is not a good business model despite the current flush of executive boxes and high end catering.

Big clubs are basically saying just shut up and give us your cash.

The Y Word

2011-04-16T00:05:00.002+07:00

Both North London teams, Arsenal and Tottenham, have historically had large Jewish followings. Back in the late 60s and early 70s I remember Arsenal programmes used to carry a Jewish new year message.

At some stage though it was Tottenham who took on the mantle as the jewish club. Possibly because of board members, possibly because they were one of the first teams to take commercialization seriously, I forget now. Whenever we, I’m Arsenal, played them they would be taunted with ‘Yid’ chants.

There were also chants that referred in graphic terms to the holocaust and to be fair to the Arsenal support many back then found these distasteful. Even those among our hooligan following took offense to them. We have always prided ourselves at the Arsenal on the fact that we lacked any real racist presence in our support. Yep, they tried as they tried at most clubs back then but they never made inroads.

http://jakartacasual.blogspot.com/2007/10/denton-edelman-and-wagon-wheels.html

Of course it wasn’t just Arsenal fans using the Y word on the terraces. At the time Tottenham were the media’s favourite team, they could do no wrong but on the terraces they were perhaps the most hated team in the land.

Later their support started to get smart and turn things around. The Star of David appearing on the terraces at White Hart Lane and the hooligan element started calling themselves the Yid Army, a word now used to describe all Tottenham fans much in the same way that Gooner at Arsenal has crossed over from thug use to encompass all Arsenal fans.

Racism often comes from ignorance. it comes from a feeling of inferiority, inadequacy.

The Y word, referring to Tottenham as a football club is neither. I’ve seen Jews in the Arsenal support spit the word out in pure hatred to them lot. The word had, in the minds of many on the terraces back then at least, become dissociated from any religious meaning and has come to define an enemy on and off the field. It was a synonym for Tottenham.

I recall one day at Highbury a swastika was put up near the away end in the expensive seats at a Tottenham game. The reaction from those around me was not the reaction of natural born racists and when it was finally removed they were plenty of cheers. During the game the Y word was used vehemently.

No one I knew who used the Y word ever thought the Jews were untermenschen. No-one I knew ever attacked synagogues or daubed extremist graffiti on Jewish tombstones because Tottenham were known as Yids and because they beat us.

It is telling that when it was announced a campaign would be launched against the use of the Y word an official at Tottenham asked that nothing be done there for a while.

Stand Your Ground

2011-04-01T15:54:00.001+07:00

I wasn’t at Hillsbrough on that fateful day in April, 1989. I have though been on overcrowded terraces, corralled by inhumane fences animal rights wouldn’t accept for pigs on their way to slaughter policed by coppers with the sensitivity of a redneck preacher.

No, I wasn’t at Hillsbrough. But I have been at the Manor Ground, Oxford. Kenilworth Road, Luton. The Dell, Southampton. I have seen fans pass out due to the overcrowded yet stay standing. I have seen police threaten to arrest fans who were merely trying to attract the attention of medics to deal with their friend.

Every once in a while the half hearted call for terraces to return to English football returns. Banned n the wake of the Hillsbrough disaster, nearly all clubs in England are now all seater even though many fans still continue to stand because that is what they grew up with and no amount of legislation can erase what’s in your blood.

As fans speak up and say yep, we want the choice. We want to decide whether we sit or stand, we get the victims’ relatives wheeled out and telling us, no, under no circumstances should terraces be allowed to return. They killed people. The victim card is the ace of spades in disputes in the west. No government will ever go against it and a whole pressure group industry has grown up around victims.

We have the 1^st anniversary of a disaster, the 2^nd, the 3^rd and so on and so forth. We get minute’s silences when a player’s budgerigar dies these days or when they lose their lucrative sponsorship with a football boot supplier. The sheer emotion of those regurgitated images from Hillsbrough, the sad faces of victims’ relatives as they relive those fateful moments tug at our heart strings until we’re made to feel complete insensitive bastards unworthy of living.

But if we step back from the emotion, if we just look at the cold hard facts of life on football’s terraces back then we will see that Hillsbrough was a disaster waiting to happen. But not because of terraces. Many fans of my age will recall being in uncomfortable situations on the terraces, unless they supported Halifax Town or teams like that. But the situations were manmade.

The fences and the policing were relatively new to the football scene back in the 70s and 80s. Increased hooliganism at games had seen people powerless as the thugs seemed to have taken over the game. Week in, week out away fans would travel in numbers and try and infiltrate the home end. To ‘take’ the home end, to kick out the home support, that was what it was all about. And for years the football authorities and police didn’t have a clue how to react.

One of the first things they did was to throw increased numbers of police officers at the problem. But the bobby on the spot didn’t really know what they were up against and the hooligans were always a few steps ahead of them in their planning and tactics.

Later came the fences surrounding the pitch. Just think, had Selhurst Park had fences Eric Cantona would never have attacked Matthew Simmons!

The fences were inhumane and uncomfortable and obviously a safety risk. The police and the authorities treated everyone at a football match with suspicion. It was a potent cocktail but at the time nobody could see how potent.

In the mid 1980s Oxford United reached the top flight of English football in what we then called the First Division. Their Manor Ground was tiny and shit. They had only been a professional team for a couple of decades and their infrastructure hadn’t kept up with their rapid rise through the divisions. It was sorely unfit for any kind of support let alone the home fans. Away fans had a terrace of a dozen concrete steps or so and impossibly high mesh fences to keep them as unhappy as possible. You pissed where you stood and you starved if there was a big away support!

A flash media tycoon had taken over the club, pumping in big money and attracting promising young players. Sounds familiar? But he did nothing about the stadium which was stuck in a non league time warp.

One end of season game there with the Arsenal. It was a shit game, we lost as we nearly always did. And it was hot which it nearly always wasn’t. Someone on the away terrace fainted. Moving was impossible, we were all jammed in like a Mumbai commuter train at peak time. Voices yelled out to the police, do something, our friend is in trouble but PC Plod, patrolling up and down in front of the fence, prowling like a caged animal, ignored the cries for water. A couple of lads tried to scale the fence, seeking attention from someone, anyone who might have a streak of humanity about them. Plod reacted, prodding the offenders, telling them to get down or they would be ‘nicked’!

Eventually, but not until a grueling and testing few minutes had passed which had seen most in the enclosure get more and more riled, the medics were able to remove the poor woman. Arsenal fans were pretty well behaved as a group back then. Had it have been Millwall or Leeds things could have gotten nasty.

A couple of years later another incident, one that has always stayed with me. I never liked Luton Town as a club, this made me hate them more.

There was an open terrace at Kenilworth Road then with a couple of steel railings dividing it into three enclosures. Of course at the front of the terrace was another fence to stop players attacking fans ala Cantona. Looking from the terrace Arsenal that night had the left side enclosure. The middle one was empty except for a couple of stewards to throw the ball back while the right hand side had a smattering of old buggers.

It ain’t far from North London to Luton, a short hop n the train or a quick drive up the M1. Arsenal fans soon filled that pen. And then some. There were people in there whose feet never touched the concrete terraces, they were so tightly wedged in. and yet despite the obvious discomfort fans continued to be funneled into that one pen.

Plod was at the front, waving fans forward or to the sides. They didn’t get it. Nobody could bloody move. Tempers got worse. Contrary to common perception, not everyone back in the mid 1980s who attended football matches was a hooligan. There were women and old men on that terrace but the cops didn’t give a shit. To them we were all the same. We all belonged behind bars and if we pissed where we stood, well, that just proved it didn’t it? We were at football, we were scum.

As at Oxford, fans tried to climb the fences to let Plod know what was going on. The police of course loved this. It was football fans being hooligans like they read in their manuals and had been taught at school. They saw fans trying to invade the pitch. The cries for help were ignored, treated as bullshit from the flotsam and jetsam on the terraces from North London.

Fans beseeched the police to open the middle enclosure but they weren’t having it. They weren’t authorized to do that. People could have suffocated but that would have been ok, there was no bastard in blue who was willing to earn the wrath of their supervisor by lightening our load. And we were brought up believing the police’s job was to protect the public.

That Hillsbrough happened didn’t surprise many. The scale of it did. But should we today, over 20 years later, still be held hostage by the tears and images of the Lepping Lane terrace? Should we be denied at least the choice of whether we stand or sit at football? The nanny state, the state that pays the salaries of the apathetic coppers and demanded the fences in the first place, now tells us we have to sit and no, you don’t get a voice on the matter because of the 96.

Life has moved on since 1989 and so has football. Not always in good ways but these are the words of a 40 something and as one gets older one resents change more. In 2011 there is no need for overcrowded terraces. With tickets sold in advance, and clubs getting the cash up front, there is a control mechanism in place that effectively limits the numbers of people that can stand. That never happened in the past when you would rarely hear of fans locked out, clubs, egged on by a nervous police worried about may happen outside the stadium If they weren’t let in (remember, all fans are thugs was the credo at the time) would happily shoehorn the fans in.

You’re still gonna get the insensitivity and inhumanity from people in uniform, be they police or stewards. For them the uniform is their vestment and their regulations carry a messianic quality.

Maybe the police don’t want terracing. Their old thinking won’t go away that quick. Maybe the clubs don’t want terracing. But what about the fans? Isn’t it worth listening to alternate voices rather than the same old stanza being played again and again.

Of course the police would cite security concerns and the clubs would cite increased costs of converting seats into a terrace. And you can be sure the maths would be skewed in such a way that were terracing to be introduced, ticket prices would not be made cheaper.

The Germans can do it though. But then the Germans can do many things we in England can’t. The image of the tiny, hearty band of away fans standing on an uncovered, windswept terrace is fading and for many that is a good thing. Like the abolition of chimney sweeps. But we as individuals are formed by our pasts and our ability to face hardship and tribulation, which is never taught at school, comes from shared experiences in our lives.

The terraces won’t come back because the people who make decisions don’t want them back. For people like me, we’re left with our memories of a fading culture. For the fan of today, seduced by Gazza’s tears and Gary Lineker advertising potato crisps, they must develop their own football culture revolving around comfy chairs, baguettes and 60 quid a ticket. Viewing from a far I can’t help but think something is missing from their experience…

Arsene's Dire Rear

2011-03-13T18:20:00.000+07:00

Arsene Wenger has put so many defeats behind him in recent years and his team have matured so much that Arsenal fans must be wondering what's left in front for the team. An impotent performance against Barcelona followed a miserable Carling Cup Final against Birmingham City meaning that the four trophies he was so ebullient about a couple of weeks ago are now whittled down to two and in both he faces the hex of Manchester United before even considering where to put some silverware.

Not for the first time in the last six years, and totally appropriately considering the number of Frenchmen at the Arsenal, they croaked when mixing with the big boys. Arsenal are like the UK's foreign policy. They feel they belong with the big boys but in fact they're in over their heads and no amount of spin can change that. Even William Hague considered sending in special forces to help them out of their Nou Camp humiliation

Arrogance in a team is a good thing but only when it is backed by plenty of medals. No-one liked Gary Neville but then all he had to say was 'look at my trophy cabinet, son.' Cesc Fabregas likes to talk the talk but till now, and for all Wenger's claims that the Spaniard is a 'winner' he has won nowt since he was still getting free school milk.

And what a 'winner' our inspirational leader is. A suicidal back heel just in front of the penalty area with the ref getting ready for a half time cuppa deserves being punished. We were, we were knocked out the Champions League without a fight and we can look forward to manager and captain saying they have put this defeat 'behind us.'

Arsenal think they have a divine right to success because of the pretty football they play. But this logic is grating for me and has been for six years. First we have to earn the right to play and that means mixing it. A barrage of red cards doesn't mean we're doing that. Most have been for two stupid, daft yellows that have been repeated time and time again.

Against lower division opposition like Ipswich Town, Leyton Orient, Huddersfield Town and Leeds United we have barely huffed let alone puffed and we have needed more time to finish them off. That is not the sign of a winning mentality running through the veins of the players wearing red and white. That is the sign of arrogant divas not wanting to put the effort in that is needed.

We beat Leyton Orient 5-0 in a replay and Wenger comes out and says that 'we have put the Birmingham defeat behind us.' Leyton Orient in a replay? Forget winners, we are turning into the bully boys of English football.

Opposing teams must allow Arsenal to play their football or Wenger is up like a jack in a box moaning about how only his team wants to play football the right way. Yet we won the FA Cup in 2006 playing negatively and last night was embarrassing. No shots? It's almost like we are beaten before we walk on the field and Wenger has real difficulties when it comes to playing certain teams at certain times. Results seem to vindicate that argument.

No 100% Arsene Wenger team has ever won a trophy for the Arsenal. That record doesn't look like ending any time soon. He inherited George Graham's defence when he took over and apart from Sol Campbell and perhaps a couple of good seasons from Kolo Toure he has done nothing but by dross from a mini mart on special offer. Koscielny and Squillaci are just the latest in a long line of embarrassing centre backs he has signed to bring stability in front of a succession of dodgy keepers.

Thing is, Wenger won't change. He's on easy street. A large section of our support will support him whatever he does. The Arsene Knows mob won't hear a word against him and point to his record until 2005. The board won't even give him a vote of confidence, perhaps the kick up the derriere he needs, because he keeps the money rolling with with truncated Champions League runs and healthy profits on selling players.

Arsenal fans are getting used to being nearly men and things don't look like changing any time soon.

Looking out for a hero

2011-02-11T14:18:00.004+07:00

I remember a mate of mine when I was about seven years old. He said his favourite player at the time was Bob McNab. Maybe it was because he had appeared in On The Buses and he was a celebrity or maybe because he had been selected by Sir Alf Ramsey in the original 40 to go to Mexico in the 1970 but never made the cut, I dunno, but he rated McNab.

We don't seem to have that anymore. McNab was an unsung left back at a time when we had players like Charlie George, John Radford and Bob Wilson. Despite George Best's column inches exploiting his drinking and shagging, or was it the other way round, footballers tended to be regarded as footballers and we would select our favourite player based on that quaint old system called merit.

Now it seems that many folks select their favourite player based on how 'famous' he is. And by famous we of course he mean how rich he is, how handsome he is and how much other people talk about him.

David Beckham wasn't fit to lace the boots of players like Frank Worthington or Matt Le Tissier. But because he played for Manchester United and because he was thought good looking his status shot way beyond his ability merited. Paul Scholes was always the better player all round but ginger haired footballers have never been thought of as packing celebrity appeal.

Football's 24/7 coverage has proceeded to dumb down the game to the extent that the final day of the transfer window attracts more attention than most games. Average players, backed by inter stellar hype see their value rocket as canny agents promote their clients as roughty toughty naughty types who shave once or twice a week and can look mean and moody on demand for the camera.

All of this leave many young fans grasping round elsewhere for a hero. It's difficult for kids to identify with players today. They only ever see them on TV as they have been priced out of stadiums. And the players have grown ever more distant as they seek to spend more time being 'cool' and doing 'cool' things like hang out at trendy restaurants and clubs hoping to get their picture in a 'cool' magazine.

Little wonder that kids have turned elsewhere for their role models. Witness the rise of Thug Lit for example in England. One time hooligans reminisce over their terrace battles in days of yore while offering respect and fair play to lads who had the shit kicked out of them but never ran. Fighting never seemed so chivalrous.

But a working class lad who made a few bob out of selling his memoirs seems a bit more accessible than a working class lad who buys his first Bentley before he's 21 and shuts himself off in a gated community to keep as far from the riff raff as possible.

Antics and quotes from the likes of Ashley Cole, Emmanuel Adebayor and Nicklas Bendtner (ooh, spot the connection there) serve only to highlight the divide between the fan and the player and that divide ain't getting any narrower.

So does it really matter? Should players act as responsible role models and earn respect or should they just act as money grabbing hookers* and sod the consequences?

* apologies to any hard working hokers who may have been offended by being likened to professional footballers.

Tony, what have you done?

2010-05-12T13:48:00.003+07:00

I grew up with Tony Adams. I was there when he made his first team debut for the Arsenal in 1983 against Sunderland at Highbury in October in front of 26,000 and we lost.

I was there when he scored in both ends at Old Trafford in 1989 when we drew 1-1 and the donkey chants started.

When he was jailed in 1990 I made my first start into the world of football writing with a passioned defence of the Arsenal way and how we would never desert one of our own. (Read by an audience of one)

I grimaced when he lifted Steve Morrow after we had won the League Cup in 93 then dropped him, breaking the poor guy's shoulder.

I filled with pride as slowly the rest of the world came to realise what we already you. He was a good player, not a media laughing stock.

A shiver went down my spine when he charged forward in 1998 to score against Everton as we won the Premier League for the first time under Arsene Wenger.

I love it when I read about the exploits of the Arsenal Tuesday Club. Especially now when footballers seem ever more distant, a skinny geezer getting ratted in Pizza Hut was something I, and many others, could identify with.

And I felt a pride that comes from being Arsenal when looking at a team sheet that featured the likes of David Rocastle (RIP), Paul Merson and MickeyThomas. Arsenal who had come from London and come up through the ranks.

They were my boys and my era.

Football has changed, Arsenal has changed and Tony Adams, a bit like me perhaps, has struggled to find a place in it. One of the finest defenders of his generation, his influence as much on the mind as on the field, he joins a long list of 'great' English players who struggled to make a name for himself in management and drifted.

Now he has ended up in Azerbaijan waffling on about 5 year plans, 10 year plans.

Rather like his old team mate, Sol Campbell, Adams will not last in Azerbaijan one year, let alone five or ten.

It's a shame it has come to this. Considering the leaky, inconsistent, spineless defence we have had to suffer at the Arsenal the last few seasons it's a great shame that nobody could give him a chest thumping, fist clenching role in our dressing room

Here we go. Again

2010-02-28T08:50:00.002+07:00

Abou Diaby v Sunderland
Eduardo v Birmingham City
Aaron Ramsey v Stoke City

Three shocking injuries. Three lengthy lay offs. Three northern shit pits. Three non footballing opponents.

Can you imagine the fuss Fergie, and by extension the media, would kick up if it was United players on the receiving end?

But be sure that as ever the Premier League will brush this under the table. Shawcross, like Taylor at Birmingham and Terry at Chelsea, is a top bloke, wouldn't hurt a fly, heps grannies cross the road. In fact perhaps the victim isn't really that tough? Southern softies...

The Premier League was born corrupt. Every perceived threat sees a spirited defence al FOX News with tame journos and tired pundits repeating the same old mantra. You know the one, best league in the world, attendances are up etc vomit etc.

So rich pricks can buy and sell football clubs and no one sees anything wrong in it. Captains can shag their team mates missuses and it's all right, it's what lads do innit. And knuckle dragging northern simians can get away with hideous tackles on the field 'cos they're top blokes. 'Cos we have the best team in the league and it ain't our fault.

And anyone who thinks otherwise, well they must be a few screws short of a hardware store.

Up yours, Terry

2010-02-25T21:16:00.002+07:00

Just read that Wayne Bridge has decided that he no longer wants to be part of the same England set up as that twat John Terry who betrays his mates, and team mates, trust by rutting their wimmin.

What I find hard to beleive is all the people queuing up to say Bridge is being soft, he's copping out. It's almost like Terry is being turned into the victim by a fawning media cause he scores so well off the pitch while Bridge, the guy he shafted, is being a soft nancy boy and he should be more laddish and pass it off as just a boys thing.

I may be no prude but somethings are off limits. Terry crossed that line when he pulled down that bint's knickers.

Forget all this bullshit of country first, of loyalty to the Three Lions. Your captain shagged your missus! Where was his loyalty?

For all those journos who are quick to blame Wayne Bridge tell me this. If I shag your missus would you wanna work with me again in the future? In the name of being 'professional?'

Why I can't say Wenger Out

2010-02-09T11:56:00.002+07:00

Me and Arsenal go back a long way. Back to some pretty dire days indeed post 71 double. Bertie Mee, the man who guided us back then, failed to build on what we had in that season. Alan Ball was brought in, yes, but Frank McLintock was allowed to leave just two years later. Bob Wilson 12 months after that.

That wonderful team was broken up way to quickly and by the mid 1970s we were struggling against relegation. 39,000 against QPR one December was considered a good crowd, we signed players like Terry Mancini and Alex Cropley but mostly we prayed.

But I don't recall fans hollering for Mee's head. Even then, pre teenage years, I knew instinctively it wasn't the way we did things. The Arsenal way. And that is, was, a way that we on the terraces imbibed from a very young age.

Terry Neill came in and for a while things looked up. But a few appearances in a few finals couldn't hide the fact that we were never challenging for the title. We were Arsenal of course, we judge success by title wins. Lesser pots are for lesser clubs.

Things cam to a head in 1983. Big money signings Charlie Nicholas, Tony Woodcock, Lee Chapman and Kenny Sansom were not taking us where we felt we should be and things were turning ugly. The North Bank became a battleground as fans divided themselves between the Neill must stay and Neill must go camps.

I sat on the fence. We lost to Walsall and I knew things weren't good. But we were Arsenal, Terry Neill was old skool Arsenal, hell he had even helped get Tottenham relegated. But I couldn't sing songs aimed at sacking him. Just didn't seem right. And for those that did I'm sure many of them felt the same unease.

For a couple of years things stagnated before George Graham arrived in 1986. Boring footballs but trophies. In 1993 we became the first team to win both the FA Cup and League Cup in one season. 12 months later we won the European Cup Winners Cup. Three cups in one year. With what was to be fair a poor team. Selley, Hillier, Morrow, they will never be Arsenal legends even though they came through the ranks and did their bit for the club.

Arsene Wenger has changed all that. We are now considered the neutral's favourite team, a sobriquet I am unhappy with. I want trophies. Thoughtful fans have told me we are close to being a brilliant team and part of me wants that to be true. But Wenger is making bad judgement calls and that worries me.

He says the players aren't use to winning big games, that's why they fall apart against the likes of Chelsea and Manchester United. But that is his fault. He adopted the policy of Champions Lague or Premiership...nothing else will do.

If he had been more serious about cup competitions in the recent past then believe we would not be having this post now. Had we beaten Chelsea in the Carling Cup Final back in 2007 he would have seen a young team getting an early taste of silverware; a habit they would have found hard to lose.

Instead we lose and the players find losing normal. It's their mindset now and Wenger has done nothing to alter that perception. Stoke away in the FA Cup being the most recent example.

We are top scorers. We have an awful defence made up of other teams hand me downs. We have a keeper who is average on his better days. Yet we keep up there in the top three, top four.

Sack Wenger and bring who in? Pesonally I would be happy to see Jose Mourinho come in and win us a few trophies and have people hate us all over again. But I don't wanna sack Wenger. Not after what he has done in the past. Like I didn't wanna sack Mee or Neill.

I just wish ... he'd win us something, anything, to let the players know what it means to win something. That is all that's missing.

Same old Arsenal, always croaking

2010-02-01T10:44:00.002+07:00

Lost at home to Manchester and United, away to Chelsea this year. Last year United done us in the Champions League. Chelsea love to stick it up us when it matters. Forget Liverpool, they are no longer major players and until we win something, anything, neither are we.

Wenger doesn't give a shit about the FA Cup; witness the team he put out away to Stoke last week when 5,000 travelling Gooners witnessed another poor, gutless display seeing us slink out of the world's greatest cup trophy without even the bookies getting excited about our chances.

We HAVE to win something and it don't matter if it's the Carling Cup or the FA Cup. 'Cos this current team are a bunch of losers until they do pick up a pot. Forget all this nonsense about the Champions League or the Premier League are the only ones that matter...after a drought dating back to 2005, when Manchester United outplayed up in the FA Cup final only for us to win on penalties, these players have to show they have the guts and desire to do it in the big games.

The evidence is they haven't and quite franky if selling Cesc Fabregas would guarantee us a trophy next season I would accept it.

All those promises about moving from Highbury to the new stadim would allows us to compete, all that extra money, 3 million quid a game, and for what? What have we got to show for it? Cast off defenders from Chelsea, Manchester United and Notts County, an injury list that gets longer and longer with every bloody season.

We need a quality keeper. Every top team needs one, we have Manuel Almunia who looks like he should be selling the Big Issue outside tube stations in London. We need fighters, grafters and we don't have them. What we have is a team packed with bottlers and naiveity.

I can accept not winning trophies. I can accept mediocrity. It's what I grew up with after all. But what I can't accept is bullshit. Be it bullshit from the board, the manager or the players.

Video evidence? No thanks

2010-01-26T20:23:00.002+07:00

My biggest gripe with video evidence is when would it be used? Just for goal line incidents or for other stuff as well?

Can you imagine if there had been video replays available at Anfield the other week when Liverpool played Tottenham. I would have been a very unhappy bunny indeed. Defoe's goal would have stood and there's some that wouldn't not have given the late penalty.

Rio Ferdinand would be in the dock for his handbags with that Hull player the other day. On a side note, why no hue and cry over that? Perhaps had it been Gallas he would already be doing bird.

Football at the moment, for all its sins is fair. The guys who play in the Premier League follow the same rules as the guys who play in the Rushmoor Sunday League and everyone still blames the ref when they lose. Keep it that way.

Interrupted sports is an American thing and they can, like Michael Bolton and Fox News, keep it. Imagine watching a game at Old Trafford or Anfield. they'll be appealling everything including if they lose the toss. 3pm kick offs won't finish till the next day.

One argument could be that there would be a limit on the number of appeals. There used to be a limit on the number of substitutes as well, remember? One. Then three, then five then seven.

Clubs and leagues will soon start tweaking for no other reason than they can and it will be the fan who suffers. Woops, sorry. That don't wash anymore. The TV companies won't like it. Who am I kidding? Of course they will. This appeal against a handball is brought to you by Blah Blah Blah Roofing and Tiling from the High Street. Call Ted for a quote.

I'm not against change per se. But how can something like video evidence be introduced fairly and equitably across the board. And I can't see a way.

In fact to show you how open minded I am why not just have a fourth official watching the game on TV monitors. When he sees the ref or lino err then he can just yell down the two way radio oi ref, you dropped a bollock on that one son.

Trouble is with thousands of fans yelling the same thing he won't know who to listen to.

Rafa chases Silver ...

2010-01-26T10:05:00.003+07:00

...but the Lone Ranger tells him to find his own horse!

Sorry, couldn't resist it. Never mind, the season starts now. In Singapore, Vietnam and also Anfield.

But seriously in what other line of work can you be fired and still get a healthy pay off? Football has lost of sense of reality.

Hi ho Silver...

Bloody Bolton

2010-01-22T16:16:00.002+07:00

Once again we are subject to a gnashing of teeth as the media, fuelled by inane callers to inane phone in shows and anonymous posters on anonymous message boards decide to attack the Arsenal one more time.

Not for Eduardo 'diving' this time. No, this time William Gallas is deemed the offender for his tackle on Bolton's Davies. The player lay on the ground, the ref, who usually has the final say on these things, waves play on and Arsenal scored.

First rule of football Bolton. Play to the fucking whistle.

Bolton! It just seems so sweet that Bolton Wanderes are complaining about what they percieve to be a bad challenge. The Angels of the north west who have given the world Kevin Davies. Mr Elbow himself.

The challenge was nothing. Nothing worse than you see in most games but Owen Coyle, perhaps sensing a bandwagon to jump on, isn't letting it rest. He's calling it assault! Say the man who picks Kevin Davies.

You can't blame the Wanderers fans for clutching at the slimmest of straws. They haven't seen football up there since Frank Worthington over 30 years ago. Now they just see aerial ping pong and hope for some high challenges to get their jollies.

Bolton lost a two goal lead. That is the nuts and bolts of Wednesday night. Coyle is just hoping to keep the headlines going to take attention off his side who lost a two goal lead. Fine. That's his job. There is no need for the media to dance to his tune.

What about when Denilson got clobbered against Everton the other week. Didn't hear Wenger whining too much then.

But hey...same old Arsenal, always cheating.

Take me, take me

2010-01-21T01:23:00.003+07:00

I've not really been following the Manchester United saga with that much interest, mainly because I never knew leverage was a verb.

But whatever is happening it is just a sad indicment of how money men have taken over the world of football as much as they control everything else we do and have done since the days of the East India Company.

Who owns Portsmouth these days and after all the takeovers why are players' salaries late? What the rubber duck is going on at Liverpool where Gilette and Hicks have to be the worse double act since Cannon and Ball.

That's England for you. Any Johnny Foreigner turns up promising to have the keys to the pot of gold that lies at the end of a rainbow and we are doing up our shoelaces, offering our butts for further penetration.

Of course not all foreign takeovers are bad, Aston Villa seem to be doing just fine and dandy for now, and of course not all English takeovers are good as Newcastle fans would tell you.

Farsighted United fans said before the Glazer takeover this was to be avoided at all costs and no one listened. Well, no one with any money or influence.

How will the Chelsea and Manchester City sagas end?

For United what needs to be done is not sending letters asking Sir Alex Ferguson to resign, relying on his union leader past to get bolshie. What is needed is for fans to boycott games. Let Old Trafford become the Madam Tussauds of the north, reliant only on foreign tourists from Malaysia and Singapore whose only attachment is a red shirt and a guaranteed trophy.

No doubt fans will say 'but I haven't missed a game since before Muncih 58' but if their club's future is at stake the time is now to act and stay away. 'Cos money men only understand one thing and when they see that dry up they turn chicken and bolt faster than Bolt doing 100 metres.

Fit and Proper

2010-01-07T13:51:00.002+07:00

So these people who bought Portsmouth and Notts County. I'm assuming they passed a fit and proper test? I'm assuming the people who carry out these tests actually met the buggers and checked them out?

'Cos if they didn't then they should be walking the streets looking for work.

And in future anyone wanting to buy a bloody football club in the UK should have to pay a deposit to the FA so that when this kind of shit happens next then working people are not left high and dry.

PS who does own Portsmouth these days? I've quite lost count...

The water in Glasgow

2010-01-05T19:09:00.000+07:00

As the likes of Tottenham and Manchester City look overseas for the manager that will turn their fortunes around just where has the local talent gone? A generation ago the British Isles had a surplus of top managers steeped in the traditions of our game but, as the foreigners have come in, they seem to have receded. A bit like on the pitch it seems we just can’t get the mix right off it. Perhaps a look at the past greats could help guide us to what to look for today.

We’ll start with Sir Matt Busby. Arguably the man who put the glamour into Old Trafford, he was born in a mining community in North Lanarkshire, near Glasgow. During his years with the Red Devils they became the first English team to win the European Cup as well as winning five First Division titles and two FA Cups. His impact was so great that United nearly imploded upon his departure with George Best playing the errant superstar and the club itself getting relegated. He reigned supreme at Old Trafford for an incredible 24 years which saw United become a world name long before TV spread the word.

The first man to bring the European Cup to the UK was Jock Stein a year before Sir Matt did in 1967. Stein was manager of Glasgow Celtic for 13 years winning the Scottish title 11 times, the Scottish Cup 11 times and the League Cup six times. Intriguingly he was also born near Glasgow, in Burnbank.

Bill Shankly ruled Anfield for 15 years and while his trophy return of just six in that time (three titles, two FA Cups and one Cup Winners’ Cup) was meagre it will be argued his legacy lies in the dynasty that he left behind him. He was undoubtedly the man who made Liverpool and the Kop famous around the world and without Shankly there would have been no Paisley and co. Oddly enough he too was born near Glasgow!

We’re beginning to see a trend here. Successful clubs are those that give managers time to manage. It also helps if the manager was born in and around Glasgow. Sir Alex Ferguson, George Graham and Kenny Dalglish come from the same mould. For Graham, 8 years as a player installed the traditions and values of the club that he was later to manager for 9 mostly successful years. Similarly Kenny Dalglish played for Liverpool for eight years before going on to manage them for a further 6. Sir Alex of course needs no introduction.

One other manager is worth a mention. Walter Smith took over at Glasgow Rangers in 1991 and in his eight seasons at the helm he won the Scottish Premier League seven times, the Scottish Cup three times and the League Cup four times. It goes without saying he was born in Glasgow.

It’s also worth pointing out that when Stein and Graham went to manage elsewhere they never achieved the success that Celtic and Arsenal enjoyed while it is fair to say Dalglish succeeded at Blackburn because of Jack Walker’s millions. His time at Newcastle and Celtic are best forgotten. And when Walter Smith headed to Everton he didn’t cover himself in too much glory either.

The only current manager who comes close to fitting the mould is Everton’s David Moyes. I say close because in his five years at Goodison Park the Glasgow born Moyes has yet to win any silverware. A couple of trophies and he will be the most sought after manager in the country.

(First appeared on www.espnstar.com)

Define Cheating

2010-01-04T09:47:00.002+07:00

Consider these two scenarios.

A strker goes down under a challenge in the penalty area and the ref gives a penalty.

A striker stumbles over outside the box, stumbles into the box and claims a penalty.

Which was is cheating? it's obvious. The second one. Yet the first one featured Eduardo against Celtic, had the Scottish whining which got the media on the case which got UEFA sticking their beak in. Eduardo was widely slagged off as a cheat despite the fact that the ref clearly explained at half time he had seen contact. And at no time did the Arsenal striker actually appeal.

The second happened in the FA Cup tie between Manchester United and Leeds United. Michael Owen, short on pace these days, falls outside the box, crawls into the area and appeals. The ref, quite rightly, waves play on. Yet Owen deliberately fell and deliberately called for a penalty.

When I was growing up I was always under the impression that acting dishonestly is cheating. Have things changed? If we had video evidence would Owen recieve a punishment based on his intent?

Dear Tony

2009-12-05T12:15:00.002+07:00

Hello Tony

This is Arsene. I believe we may have met a couple of times last year.

Listen, we are playing your lot this weekend. Can you do moi a favour? I don'thave many tall players in my team and I would be really merci beaucoup if you could try and pass the ball on the ground alot more.

You know how the English like fair play. If they see you just put the ball in the air and win the knockdowns it won't be fair because we have no players who can compete.

Please, s'il vous plait. I don't want to have to bring back Phillipe Senderos for this game or my wife will not buy me any truffle.

Tell you what. if you do play the ball on the ground I will let you have Emmanuel Eboue for a knock down price.

Yours in fairness and sport

Arsene Wenger
Arsenal FC Manager
isawnothing@arsenal.co.uk

When a sheikh is not a shake

2009-12-04T06:02:00.003+07:00

Remind me again of what Mark Hughes has won as a manager.

When he played for Manchester United he was a snide little shit. Lots of sly digs, taps on ankles, elbows. But 'cos he played for United it was acceptable. Indeed at that time United was filled with similar players like Moses, Robson and Whiteside.

Now he is a manager and woe betide any one he feels who is snubbing him in anyway.

Remember the time he said Cesc Fabregas had no respect? All the Spaniard had said was that Hughes had played for Barcelona, a club deeply engrained in his psyche, how come he could allow Balckburn Rovers to play like he did as a player.

Hughes went all pissy and got an apology. But Cesc showed balls. Respect has to be earnt and while Hughes may have been appreciated as he grew older there are still those of us who remember him as a player and will therefore accord him no respect at all.

His latest whine is that Arsene Wenger didn't shake his hand after City beat Arsenal 3-0 in the Carling Cup. Aah diddums Sparky you Welsh nobody.

Perhaps it's time you grew up and won a few medals rather than getting all mafiosi about respect.

Ooh it's the latest craze

2009-11-26T13:36:00.004+07:00

With all this coverage the beautiful game now gets come a host of bewildering terminology that leaves me wondering if I could ever play Subbuteo again.

Take for example the man in the hole. Who is this man and what the bloody hell is he doing in the hole? Shouldn't he be playing football, not dicking around in holes. And anyway I thought all pitches these days are billiard green smooth. So where did the bloody holes come from?

But we accept it and we use the expression ourselves because we want to sound as knowledgable as the talking TV heads who throw this gibbersih at us.

Once upon a time we had midfielders. Who played in midfield. Not anymore. Now every team just has to have a holding midfielder. And what the rubber duck does he do? Usually, apparently, he plays the simple ball. Oh great, 100 grand a week to 'play the simple ball.'

Further listening and we will soon find out the holding midfielder protects the back four. How he does that is never explained. Imagine a back four spread across the width of the pitch and one man, our holding midfielder, is supposed to protect all that space? By himself?

Did Bobby Moore ever need a holding midfielder? What about Hansen and Lawrenson when they were part of the Liverpool team that won everything.

Players like Bryan Robson, Graeme Souness, Brian Talbot, they all played midfield, they all could score and they all could tackle.

Not anymore. Now holding midfielders just hold. They're not expected to get forward, they just do the simple ball.

And don't get me started on Technical Directors or Directors of Football! Just what they hell does a Technical Director do when he's clocked in? I had one guy recently assure me such a such a person would make a better TD than coach! Eh?

Just what the hell do they have Directors of Football in football clubs for? Are they shareholders? Do they have a stake in the club?

And we're hearing a lot about cheating these days what with Eduardo and Thierry Henry being in the spotlight and being found guilty by the mass media. Hmm, what ever happened to David Ngog? Whatever happens to outcrys after Liverpool players make like a dying swan?

And why this hysteria? It's the culture of the game innit? Players do what they can to win, something they've been trained ever since they first shoved some tupperward down their shorts. They ain't gonna change. Who's gonna make them? Coaches for sure aren't going to insist on a new breed of honest pro, not when it could mean losing points and ultimately the sack.

For decades players and pundits alike have acepted that a certain degree of cheating goes on in the game. If the players can get away with it, why not? It's not up to the players to play fair, that's up to the ref, it's his bloody job. He wanted to ponce about with a pea in his mouth.

Media led witch hunts, usually when it is percieved Arsenal are the offenders, remember that FA Cup tie against Sheffield United where the whole world accused Arsenal of cheating? EVEN WHEN NO RULE WAS BROKEN? And we offered a replay?

FIFA, and UEFA, need to remember that the match officials are the final arbiter of what goes on on the field. They should not start reacting to every prissy media inspired hue n cry or headline. Their job is football and the beauty of football is that the game played at the highest levels is the game played on parks and fields around the world. It's simple, it's beautiful and it's human.

Keep it that way.

Wigan Athletic or Glasgow Rangers

2009-11-12T15:53:00.002+07:00

Every once a while someone comes up with the idea of allowing two Scottish side, Celtic and Rangers, to join the English Premier League. Yet there are absolutely no reasons at all why they should be even considered. No logical, no football, no common sensical reason at all.

As ideas go it is on a parallel with the 39th game for nonsense.

It's not my fault they're Scottish. In fact ask their fans and they will even dispute that saying Rangers are British and Celtic are Irish. But Geography has placed them north of Hadrian's Wall and there ain't no one who wants to relocate Glasgow south.

Typical of the Scots though, innit. They want more independance from Whitehall while at the same time asking for more money, sending us Gordon Brwon then asking for two of their clubs to join our league.

Only one 'Scottish' club should be allowed to join the English league and that is Berwick Rangers for the not alltogether unreasonable notion that they are actually in England.

If we allow the likes of Rangers and Celtic to join where would that leave the likes of Wigan Athletic? For those who never knew football existed before either 92 (Premier League) or 96 (Euro 96) Wigan were a non league side back in the 1970s who have battled their way through the divisions to the very pinnacle of the English game and now sell players to Manchester United for 16 million quid.

The few Wigan fans who attended a 3rd division game against Fulham that I did back in the 89s must be pinching themselves..

Since then Nottingham Forest have won the European Cup but who remembers them? It is Wigan in the Premier League and it is Wigan wot dun it the hard way.

And the Scots would have us tell the other Wigans to fuck off because they wanna fast track their beloved Celtic and Rangers into our top flight?

Och aye, see you teddy and away n shite ya kilt wearing fungas carrying bagpipe blowing geographical accidents.

What would these guys bring us anyway? Rangers with their Hand of Ulster and right wing links that made them such good mates of fellow knuckle dragging boneheaded simians Chelsea?

Or Celtic with their deification of hunger striking terroists who gloried in flinging shit against the walls of their cells and calling it political protest? Whose fans would happily support the murder of women and children while Americans, seduced by the romantic songs of the Dubliners would happily pass round the cap for the boyos long before they decided terroists were evil, not romantic.

If they wanna move then let them join the Latvian Super League. We don't need them down south.

Time for some expert analysis

2009-11-11T05:49:00.000+07:00

My epiphinal moment

It was only about four years ago I started writing about football on a regular basis. My aim was simple. To write about the simple game in a simple way. I grew up with punk, no thrills, no bells and whistles, just two or three minutes to say what you wanna say. Same with my writing. But I also wanted to improve my knowledge of the game. I wanted to progress from White Riot to London Calling.

I was leaving England just as the fanzine movement was taking off and I had high (ish) hopes that they would help improve the coverage of the game which at that time only had Shoot and Saint & Greavsie which was considered cutting edge because of its humour. Alleged humour.

Today we have wall to wall coverage of the English game but I'm not sure all these talking heads contribute to people's understanding of the game. When I started writing I would often take aim at these pundits, usually ex pros, who would get into games free and basically spout shite then go home and wait for the cheque to drop through the letter box.

Listen to an ex pro and everything, but everything is down to bad marking or poor refereeing. Everything that happens on the field is because the defender was daydreaming or the ref needs to get down the opticians pretty damned quick.

And that was the sum total of these pros contributions. So I whinged. And then a media mate of mine wrote back and said that while he understood what I was trying to say, he had a certain amount of sympathy with the pundits.

Why! I mentally screamed.

And then I thought about it. And it dawned on me. Football is so damned simple. If a defender isn't doing his job properly then yes, someone might score. Because the ref or linesman is only human then yes, they are going to miss things. And without these errors we would not have football. We would have chess. And no one would pay to watch that.

There is nothing more really to add. Everything else is window dressing.

Take formations. You know what? I went to hundreds of games when I was younger and I never knew whether a team was playing 4 4 2, 4 2 4 or 3 5 2. I didn't have a scooby and it never once distracted me from enjoying a game of football.

But now I am forever being pestered about 4 1 3 2 or 4 1 4 1 or 4 1 2 1 2 or some such crap. Is player X better in the hole? I don't frigging know.

I never knew whether Tony Adams played on the right side of a back four or the left side and it certainly wasn't something we discussed as we walked back to Finsbury Park in the rain. He was crap or he played well.

With blogs and all that I really thought we would see a return to football as the simple game with spot on analysis but with some banter thrown in. but instead what we get is punters, including people like me, pontificating about formations or wing backs or zonal marking without clearly understanding what they are talking about.

Which brings us back to pundits. These guys played the game but for whatever reason they never moved into coaching. Why bother when they can go on TV, blame the ref and still have time for a round of golf before it gets dark. But players don't make the best pundits necessarily.

To get a better understanding of the game I would much prefer to see, or hear, coaches or former coaches, give their 10 pence worth. I want to hear both sides about zonal marking v man to man. I want to know whey the left footed player is being played on the right.

Players as pundits trivialise the game when they blame the defence or the officials for everything. Time perhaps for some real analysis...

Is Rafa softening?

2009-11-10T11:24:00.000+07:00

Some of the noises coming out of Liverpool boss Rafael Beneitz have been, well, very un Rafa like

Take for example his reaction to the beach ball scoring the winner at the Stadium of Light. Old skool Rafa would have been ranting and raving for days after about the injustice of beach toys invading the pitch in the north east.

But the current Rafa just rolls over, kicks his kegs in the air and says oh you know, these things happen.

What's that all about? He should at least be blaming Sir Alex Ferguson but oh no. The Spanish waiter has gone all meek and mild.

And then we have the dodgy penalty (what, Liverpool and dodgy pens? Never, I won't have it) against Birmingham when David 'Who are ya' Ngog auditioned for the 2012 Olympics.

Instead of coming out all guns blazing our goateed hero just says 'yeah, maybe it wasn't a pen.'

This is the guy who can go on TV straight faced and say yep, he was fouled even when replays showed otherwise.

It ain't natural I tell thee and I fear portends doom. Has Rafa truly lost heart in his job? Has the behind the scenes crap at Anfield pissed on his fire once and for all and now he's just going thrugh the motions?

Is he actively, in a passive way, looking for the old tin tack and a golden pay off before returning to Spain?

Red nose day comes early

2009-11-09T19:20:00.000+07:00

Here we are in early November and Sir Alex Ferguson, the one time union rep who got on his knees for her maj, is already losing it.

Fact is he won the league last year by default. 'Cos Arsenal and Chelsea weren't good enough over the season. 'Cos Liverpool haven't been contenders since Dalglish quit.

And now old red nose is losing it big time. Heaven forbid any ref should give a decision against United. I mean we're talking the same United here who have enjoyed many a benefit of the doubt over the years from pliant refs keen to avoid the hairdryer or microwave.

Fergie has no depth in his squad and he has not replaced Ronaldo let alone Duncan Edwards or Roy Keane. The squad he has at the moment, like Liverpool's, isnt' exactly flooded with quality. And this gets shown up when the fortiutious decions that he and his team are so used to accepting don't go his way.

So Fergie lashes out. At the match officials. Wenger will benext, the detente will soon be over as old red nose realises nothing last forever and that includes him. Fact is United's deep pockets are being accessed by ever shorter arms as the Glaser's seek to pay off themoney they own.

The chickens are coming home to roost and Fergie don't like it one little bit. As he shouldn't, proud man that he is. He lashes out but truth be told he's attacking the wrong guys. Forget the match officials, it's the boardroom where he should direct his ire...

City chase 9 year old Chinese prodigy

2009-11-05T11:08:00.000+07:00

The new money bags of the English Premier League Manchester City are understood to have entered the race to sign Chinese wonderkid Yu Foo Kin Dum.

Reports have spread round the internet about the young lad from Yunnan province after a video was shown on You Tube showing him score 6 goals in one game. Other footage showed the player running with the ball and leaving defenders in his wake.

City haven't said anything official but once they heard that Arsenal and Manchester United had shown an interest in Yu they have decided to have a look themselves.

Both Arsenal and Manchester United have a large supporter base in China and it is believed City are also interested in tapping into this huge market. And they believe signing Yu will give them an extra advantage over the more traditional big names.

One source close to the club suggests that they will send scouts to China in the near future and hope to impress the child's parents with the seriousness of their bid.

The club believe it would be a huge feather in their cap if they were to takeaway the highly sought after Yu from their rivals and would announce their arrival on the big stage.

Who are ya?

2009-11-01T06:24:00.006+07:00

I'm not going to have a pop at Liverpool today, for a change, despite their 3-1 defeat by Fulham yesterday. Instead I stand totally and utterly bemused at how this side can ever be considered title defenders outside of the Liverpool supporters club and the Big 4 fixated media.

But surely this Liverpool squad has to be the most anonymous in all the 40 odd years I've been watching football. It looks like Rafael Benetiz has done his shopping using You Tube, Fantasy Football and Scrabble along with a few kids who turned up looking for some casual work on their gap year!

They're not a two man team. Far from it, their strength is 50% more than that. But the rest?

Voronin, Kyrgiakos, Lucas, Insua, Ngog, Degen, Spearing, Plessis, El Zhar, Dossena, Eccleston, Gulasci - who are ya?

The squad is thinner than the walls of a two bob whore house in Bangkok.

But compare that with his backroom staff of thousands and you understand the inconsistancies. Half the team travel to games on the train, there just isn't enough room on the team coach. And as we all know, travelling by train in the UK is enough to play havoc with anyone's state of mind. And all that changing at Crewe!?!

Liverpool will not win the Premier League under the Spanish waiter. This season, with a squad weaker than both Tottenham (just writing that sends shivers down my spine) and Manchester City they could well struggle to stay in the top 6.

Exclusive! The FA's Fit & Proper Test Revealed

2009-10-23T17:54:00.000+07:00

FA - Good morning Sheikh Ya Money Bin Drinkin. Obviously now you wish to take over this football club we will need to ask you a few questions. We’re sure you’ll understand.

Money man – no problem

FA – that’s fine. The first question Sheikh is how much money do you have?

Money man – a lot.

FA – I’m sorry, we really need far more detail than that. You must realize Sheikh that we have a very inquisitive press in our country and we owe it to our fans to make sure you are indeed the man for this club.

Money man – of course, I understand

FA – so how much money do you have sir?

Money man – a very lot

FA – great that’s wonderful. OK, second question. What do you do exactly?

Money man – I have many businesses

FA – we’re sure you do but can you be more precise?

Money man – I’m very busy with

FA – marvelous. This really is most splendid, you tick all the right boxes. Just one last question before we’re finished. Are you or have you ever been involved in any illegal activities? Drugs? People smuggling? Murder? That sort of thing?

Money man – no, never

FA – I’m sorry, we’re going to have to ask you to prove you haven’t.

Money man – I promise

FA – that would do nicely. Well, everything is in order, congratulations Sheikh Ya Money Bin Drinkin you now own your very own English football club.

Predict a cliche

2009-10-22T11:53:00.002+07:00

These are Arsenal's top scorers as per the official website

5 - Fabregas, Vermaelen, van Persie, Arshavin,
3 - Diaby, Eduardo, Gallas,

Serious question now. How long will it be before some smart prick comes along and says Arsenal lack an out and out goalscorer a la Henry?

And think back to the days when Henry was our out and out goalscorer. And how many times did you hear people say then we relied on just one man too much?

Just a rubber ball

2009-10-18T07:52:00.002+07:00

Gotta say I'm still pissing myself at the manner of Liverpool's defeat against Sunderland yesterday and have decided to compile 5 songs (twice) for Rafa to put on his i-Pod.

1 - Rubber ball
2 - Are you Lampard in disguise (sang at the offending ball)
3 - Rafa, has only got one ball
4 - You're just a sad mackem beach ball
5 - He's here, he's there, he's every fucking where, beachy ball, beachy ball
6 - Who put the ball in Reina's net? Beachy, beachy
7 - I'd bounce a million miles for one of your goals, ohh beachy
8 - We all agree, beachy is better than Torres
9 - He's got no legs but we don't care, beachy beachy ball
10 - You are my beach ball, my only beach ball, you make me happy when Rafa whines

What happened to the working class hero?

2009-10-17T15:41:00.002+07:00

Three apparently inconnect strands. One answer. 12 months.

It's something that has been nagging me for a while but I think finally I have hit upon something that may go someway to explaining this conumdrum.

1 - Where have all the English boys gone?
2 - There's a lot of foreign names in the last edition of Kicker Special I have
3 - There's not a whole lot of talent coming through in Singapore.

Now I know why. There is no significant indigenous working class in the three countries I have mentioned. More and more people are owning their own property, this gives them access to credit and this takes away much of their desire.

What is left is a brain dead, hospice queuing middle class whose sole aim in life is to own the latest handphone or handbag. Inititive has gine out the window, desire has become a dirty word as all that counts is paying off the bills.

Football is considered too risky. Anyway who wants to kick a ball around outside where there's all them muggers, chavs and child molesters where it may rain? Better stay at home and play computer games on the Play Station that comes in at 25% APR.

It's ok, you can play football once or twice a week at a football sponsored academy or with the school but hey, just play football. Don't bother learning how to use the ball, caress the ball, control the ball or pass the ball. Better just to imitate CR7 when he scores from 40 yards.

The middle classes are a poisonous weed on society's intellectual growth. They demand immediacy or they quickly lose interest and return to their diet of celebrity shite. They are a nation of consumers, critical consumers, with little patience for innovation or creativity. The Herd is no longer a bunch of football hooligans but a place to remain anonymous, awaiting death and release from the bills acquired in their desire for living the commercials' dream.

Pat Rice, Arsenal's assistant manager or whatever, grew up kicking a ball around outside the East Stand at Highbury. He was never that talented but, read any book that touches on him, he worked his bloody nuts off and got himself a useful career in the game at a time when the alternative was probably driving a milk float.

Like picking grapes of gutting fish, football is now considered a job best filled by foreigners.

In Singapore the problem is more acute. Most of the population is Chinese. Have a look at the squads for recent youth squads, check out the line ups for most SLeague games and you won't find a single Chinese name on the team sheet.

Instead what you will get is the Chinese moaning about the lack of Singapore talent but absolutely refusing to countenance their own offspring playing the game. Better they become doctors and businessmen where the focus is on a good salary. Better spoil the brats and leave them devoid of any hunger.

The middle classes whine professionally but ask them to get creative and watch them scurry for the shadows. To be a footballer, a great footballer, you need hunger, desire. You need to focus, you need to work hard. And these are all things the middle classes resent.

Poverty makes great footballers!

Foreign coaches

2009-10-13T21:23:00.002+07:00

Dunno why we bother calling it the English Premier League anymore. Indeed, most people don't, preferring instead to use the name of the sponsor. But the only thing English about the game these days is the geography.

Take these here foreign coaches. I won't include Scottich managers/coaches - without them the game, rather like the empire, would have died along time back.

But what about these here Arsene's, Rafaels, Carlo's and Avrams.

What's all that about?

Poncey foreigners coming to our country and introducing a whole heap of new ideas all, supposedly, to make the game better.

As if drinking a bottle of water while sat on the bench helps make the game better. And water from a bottle?!

It's England you foreigners, we can drink water from the tap doncha know? Why the hell fork out over a quid for water in a bottle when you can have it for free?

And it looks so ostentatious, so smug. Oh look at me, I'm a foreigner, I drink my water from a placcy bottle, not like you mongs who neck it from a tap.

And then there is the back room staff. Bertie Mee had a coach and a trainer when we won the double back in 1971. But take Liverpool for example. Their bench looks like Rafa has employed half a dozen asylum seekers. Who the hell are they and what do they do that makes it so important that a local can't do the frigging job?

OK, one guy slaps players on the back. Ususally those just substituted. Difficult job this one and one Rafa can't do 'cos he's so frigging busy trying to open a bottle of water. Or take notes?!

Another guy is employed to make sure the guy being replaced gets a jacket to wear. Cos footballers are so damned thick they can never remember where they leave their clothes so Liverpool kindly help them overcome this handicap by giving them a butler.

There's probably a massage geezer in there as well these days. Quite way any bloke would train to stroke other blokes' legs is beyond me but then I did leave England many years ago when we still drank water from the tap. What would I know about modern science and how it influences modern managers. Like Sam Allardyce.

How do all these assorted back room bods get to games? I mean there's only a limited number of seats on the bus isn't there? Maybe they jump on the train.

Yeah, them foreign coaches...what have they ever done for us?

If footballers ran football we'd all be in the shit

2009-09-27T14:02:00.001+07:00

Footballers aren't necessarily the brightest light on the christmas tree. Calling them a few sarnies short of a picnic or a 6 pack sort of a session has always been pretty common and they do seem to be getting thicker and thicker.

Listen to a footballer when they are asked to be a pundit and you realise not only that just 'cos they play the games and earn shit loads from doing so doesn't mean they understand the game. (Of course nor do many bloggers, forum posters and football writers!)

Footballers as pundits like to cover the cliches that come in the official professional footballer's association handbook. Somebody must always step up to the plate for example. It's always good to squeeze in an early doors, epsecially, um, early doors. And don't forget footballers always like to set out their stall. Even if better if they can do it early doors.

Keeping on with punditry, near;y everything that happens is either a defender's fault or a match official's fault. Preferably the latter 'cos players always remember the time they got caught showing their studs and be red carded by the ref who didn't fall for their bull shit.

Footballers love Monopoly. It's a game where money comes and goes very easily, much like in their lives. Things like rent and fines are minor irritants and mortgages are only experienced by plebs who can't afford to pay cash for a place to live.

And this approach they carry over to running a football club, a task that thankfully the vast majority will never get to do. Again the Monopoly mentality comes to the fore as the answer to every question is to throw cash at something. It ain't there cash, they don't have to use any of theirs and anyway it works for Real Madrid innit?

The look is also important. Players spend hours in front of the mirror practising that surly look where they look mean and moody down their noses at the rest of us. Shoulders pushed back, perhaps arms folded, players love this pose so much they even effect it when they're not getting paid.

Another important part of being a footballer is when they get off the team coach. It is vital at times like these they look like miserable gits, totally loathing what they do. The shell suit is necessary but the real piece de resistance is the massive bloody ear phones.

It's incredibly cool to walk past the paying spectator, possibly only seeking an autograph or picture, looking straight ahead and lost in a world of tinned music, they're saying fuck the world, you need me, we don't need you.

Luckily things are a little different here in south east Asia. I was at a hotel where the Persija players were staying last year and it was a common sight to see players being approached by hesitant guests asking for a picture and them always accepting.

The same thing happens on the pitch as well. I've seen it in Indonesia and Thailand, fans run on and get players to sign shirts etc. It's oneof the attractions of the game in this region, the bond between fans and players.

To give you an example Indonesian striker Bambang Pamungkas was strongly linked with a move during the pre season. After he signed for Persija he went on his website and gave a brief re cap and explanation of what had happened behind the headlines.

Imagine tarts like Adebayor doing that?

Living the Vito Mannone

2009-09-27T12:54:00.002+07:00

It's been a long time since Arsenal fans have been able to they were saved three points be a goal keeper. In recent years we have since a slightly barking, slightly potty Jens Lehmann followed by a Spanish bit part player with a penchant for dodgy barnets.

We have to go back to the days of David Seaman when he last had a keeper who could inspire real confidence throughout the team. With Almunia it's always a matter of when he drops a bollock, not if.

But yesterday we can look back on a performance by the man between the sticks that we haven't seen the like of for a long while. Make no mistakes it was a smash n grab job at Craven Cottage and it took an inspired performance by Mannone to eusure three points.

He has one of those days where everything bounced off him and away to safety. He may never have another performance like that in his career but to have it so early will do his career wonders and it also puts enough credit in the bank to allow people to overlook his upcoming blunders.

'Yeah but', pundits will wisely nod after Vito has a howler at Hull and we get just a 2-2 instead of a 2-0, 'you know what he can do. Remember that game at Fulham?'

Wenger will probably drop him next game just to keep the pressure off him. One game don't make a great keeper but the young Italian has set his own bar pretty bloody high.

Not so soup-er Campbell

2009-09-24T05:19:00.002+07:00

What the hell was he expecting?

Sol Campbell has grown up expecting the finer things in life at his football clubs. His resume is indeed impressive with many years at Tottenham, many trophies at Arsenal (before his walkout) and bits n pieces at Portsmouth.

And of course dozens of caps with England who don't tend to do things by half.

So what did he expect when he moved to Notts County? Are top level footballers really out of touch with what goes on in the lower divisions?

Why would he commit to a 5 year contract in the first place? Unless of course his eyes glazed over at the money on offer.

Campbell made the difficult move from Tottenham to Arsenal when the media were convinced he would join either Manchester United or Bayern Munchen. His reasoning then, at least publicly, was that he wanted to be close to his mam.

But after walking out on first Arsenal and now Notts County he is in danger of becoming unwanted. Who, after all, is going to commit to a guy with a penchant of doing a runner the first time something goes against him?

Apart from Kevin Keegan!

City win style wars

2009-09-22T10:34:00.002+07:00

OK so Manchester City may have lost thanks to Michael Owen's winner deep, very deep, into injury time but they did won in one area.

Their shirt is so damned classy. It's an old school football shirt dating back to the 60s/70s back in the day when football shirts were basic and kept far away from geeks with Corel Draw.

Their city rival's United have that pointless, irrelevant black V thing across their chest. And what about Tottenham? What other club's fans can rush out to buy a football shirt with a chicken on one tit and dashes of yellow down the sides?

Arenal's famous white sleeves almost seem to be a thing of the past with the current poncey effort seeing just a narrow white band. And who the hell decided our away kit is blue eh? And has been ever since those Just Do It merchants took over with the odd bow to yellow, our more traditional 2nd choice kit, and now even white.

40 quid a pop in the greatest football fan rip off. But hey, the schmucks still queue up to buy them and clubs can't wait to release new shirts with websites announcing launch days and recommending fans, and or schmucks, get their orders in first.

UEFA are fair

2009-09-13T08:12:00.003+07:00

A UEFA spokesman has come out to say his organisation is not systematically anti English. There had been accusations that there was an agenda of sorts being carried out by the gnomes of Geneva but Gaston Gobshite has categorically denied this.

'We treat every case on its merits,' he said. Regarding the Eduardo penalty appeal it was 'obvious something needed to be done and seen to be done because everyone knows Arsenal are a bunching of cheating shit.'

Responding to claims that Wayne Rooney went down too easily when playing for England against Slovenia at Wembley he said 'it may have looked suspicious but I can categorically state that he didn't dive. Because he said on TV he didn't dive and we believe him.'

Diving is bad for the game Gaston went on to explain but it only happens in England. 'I have never seen anyone dive in Italian or Spanish football. Not once.'

'You saw John Terry saying that English players don't dive and he's right. Most don't. But when they play for Arsenal they do.'

Gaston went on to suggest Emmanuel Adebayor is very probably the best player in Europe at the moment and suggests Arsenal fans need to get used to it.

'That incident with van Persie? Van Persie should have got a red card for his disgusting antics trying to discredit a fellow pro.'

Talking about Manchester United Gaston said that it wasn't true that UEFA were scared of Sir Alex Ferguson and he called the chants aimed at Arsene Wenger the voice of a 'minority and not fully representative of the support of the greatest football club in the world.'

Gaston finished the interview saying that English food was the worst in the world and that having once 'snogged' an English girl on the beach at Bournemouth he would 'never wish that on his worst enemy,' likening the experience to sticking his tounge down a toilet roll tube.

Saintly Wayne

2009-09-05T12:36:00.002+07:00

Like the rest of the world that lives outside the bubble of Sky promoted Premier League football I didn't so much smile when Wayne Rooney said he never dived. When I first read it I spilt my beer as I tried to imagine him trying to convince the world of this ludicrous statement.

I will refer to Pizzagate at Old Trafford when United ended Arsenal's 49 match unbeaten run and Wooney did a Phelps entering the pool to win a penalty. And last Saturday when later pictures showed him falling before he even got near Almunia.

Footballers live in cuckoo land. We know that and we know that sections of the media will unquestioningly accept what they say.

I can't take Rooney seriously anyway. In my mind he will forever be associated for paying to rut grannies in dilapidated, rat infested Toxteth bordellos (bring your own bed sheets).

Good player mind

Liverpool 1977 and how the face of football has changed

2009-09-03T17:55:00.003+07:00

I don't like Liverpool. Back in the late 70s when they were the best team in Europe by some distance they bored the socks off me. Every game at Highbury I seemed to recall ending in a yawn fest as both sides came out and battled for a point.

But I often think about them when I see some transfers go through and I wonder how if Liverpool could build the best team in Europe by shopping in the English lower divisions then, why can't it be done today.

Of course then there were no foreigners in the English game. No Fernando Torres. Butthen the mickey mouses haven't done badly in that department have they, finding players like Ian Rush, John Toshack and John Aldridge from smaller clubs.

But let's look at the Liverpool team that won the European Cup for the first time 32 years ago and more importantly where they come from.

Ray Clemence - famously a deck chair attendant as well as playing for Scunthorpe United

Phil Neal - famous for his daft bubble perm and playing for Northampton bloody Town before winning a few pots
Tommy Smith - old school. born and bred on the Mersey you can imagine him chewing pint glasses down the White Hart before running out in front of the Kop and twatting all n sundry
Emlyn Hughes - the only footballer ever named Emlyn? Before he became famous for wearing daft pullovers on TV Liverpool signed him from Blackpool. Never realised he died a few years back.
Joey Jones - signed from Wrexham who have always been shite. Joey Ate The Frogs Legs, Made The Swiss Roll, Now He's Munching Gladbach was seen on a banner at the final. Oh those witty scousers

Ian Callaghan - played for Liverpool for donkeys years. Appropriate 'cos he ran like one last time I saw him
Jimmy Case - probably nicknamed Head for obvious reasons.
Terry McDermott - famous for his bubble perm and tache making him the archtypal scouser. Signed from Newcastle
Ray Kennedy - a big money signing from Arsenal

Kevin Keegan - perhaps better known as saying I would love it frequently as well as quitting managerial jobs he too came from Scunthorpe
Steve Heighway - posh git who went to university, picked up playing for Skelmersdale.

What's happened to players like these? Are the lower divisions so bereft of talent premier league managers must keep signing Pascal Chimbonda, Teemu Tanio and Abdoulaye Dijeriferkin ad infinitum?

Do managers like Wenger and Ferguson attend lower division games themselves or is that seen as beneath them?

Just where have the English players gone?

The Untouchables

2009-09-01T13:15:00.000+07:00

Jesus saves ...

...but God gives Man U a penalty anyway

Is it against Premier League rules to say bad things about Manchester United

2009-08-30T17:04:00.001+07:00

The ref

The ref didn’t cost the Arsenal the game so this is not sour grapes. But six yellow cards and sending Arsene Wenger somewhere smacked of a little child in desperate need of attention. The name is Dean, Mike Dean. (scroll down for more about this hero with a whistle)

Eastern wisdom

After the game here in Asia we got words of wisdom from Steve MacMahon and Shebby Singh. And with what did this talking heads enlighten us after the game. Well, they praised Darren Fletcher to the roof because of his work rate and running. They said that for 10 minutes United got at Arsenal. And they said that United showed mettle cos they have more experience.

United scored their first from a pen, their second from an own goal at a free kick. The only other time they really worked Almunia was a piss weak effort from Evra.

Funny, innit. When Arsenal beat Celtic 2-0 up in Glasgow it was because they were lucky with an og and Gallas getting a lucky touch. Arsenal are lucky when it happens, United are experienced.

These people don’t even know what they’re saying half the time. They have their stereotypes they repeat like a mantra and sod the contradictions.

Arsenal had a few free kicks first half that, at Everton, produced goals for Vermaelan and Gallas. This time the delivery was poor and harmless.

Robin van Persie had a shot well saved by Foster, a free kick finger tipped on to the bar and a goal disallowed. Not a bad day at the office for the Dutchman and one that on another day would have seen one of them converted. Three efforts on target. Three more than United yet the ‘pundits’ try and tell us that United won because they were more experienced and ‘better.’

United’s second goal. Great header by Diaby but it was a free header. Had he done his job and just cleared the bloody thing everyone would have moaned about the delivery. But because they scored out come the tired old clichés about that old war horse Giggs and how you can rely on players like him to step up to the plate.

A fine line indeed between hero and zero.

United fans lack of class

And then we come to the scummy mugs who populate Old Trafford singing THAT song about Arsene Wenger. Let’s just say this. Had it been Arsenal fans singing songs about runways, ice and Munich those muppets would have been up in arms as would the media. Big club maybe but their fans certainly lack class.

Dean bottle's it

2009-08-30T13:25:00.002+07:00

Do refs need to have ever played football in their lives? Do they go on courses where they are taught to see the game as just that. A game. Not just a set of rules to be administered come what may. William Shakespeare broke what few language rules there were and yet he has a fair old legacy.

Rules are not made to be broken of course but sending Wenger to the stand because he kicked a water bottle in frustration smacks of little hitlerism. Dean sent him off 'cos he could. Not because it made sense, not because it was seconds left on the clock. He did it to say look at me, look at my power like an over officious, small minded traffic warden.

Perhaps in UEFA's new found spirit of second guessing match officials we can see this pathetic decision overturned?

But Dean was right to book Eboue. The Ivory Coast space filler showed the odd good touch esterday but he's still crap and his dive just days after the Eduardo incident shows the odd brain cell that inhabitats his skull must find life pretty lonely what with so little company up there. Leave the dives to Flipper...

Charging Eduardo

2009-08-29T11:06:00.002+07:00

If I recall correctly UEFA are against using video evidence. So why pray tell are they using something they don't approve of to throw the book at Arsenal striker Eduardo? Why didn't they retroactively charge that simian Taylor, the man who twisted Eduardo's leg in two and nearly ended his career?

Populism. UEFA are not taking a lead here, they are reacting to headlines in newspapers and on TV. They are saying the referee's decision is no longer final. At half time, while the Celtic keeper was ranting and raving the ref clearly showed that he felt the keeper had made contact with Eduardo.

The ref got it wrong as TV later proved but are we now going to see every single bloody decision rexamined just cos the media kick up a hoo ha? Who runs the game, UEFA or the press?

All those times Ronaldo got away with diving are conveniently forgotten, UEFA has a scapegoat and they are about to make themselves look like right twats because they are following and not leading.

Are we going to see players retroactively given yellow or red cards because of a media circus? Are we going to see the ref's authority on the field undermined because of a few headlines.

Charding Eduardo is a sorry day for football.

The hooligans go marching on

2009-08-26T17:49:00.002+07:00

The hooligans go marching on

Now there's a surprise. Whoever would have guessed the fans from West Ham United and Millwall would have got together to settle some old scores last before, during and after their League Cup tie. Given the bad blood that exists between these two sets of supporters it was always going to happen. It was just a question of degree.

Football fighting has never gone away and the reason it stays with us is dead simple. People enjoy it. They enjoy the dressing up, they enjoy the banter, they enjoy the thought that their evening could end up giving or receiving a bloody good hiding. Forget all the bullshit the shrinks come out with at times like this. It's a laugh.

You can be sure for days before the clash the pubs around the east end and south of the river were buzzing about this game. About who was going to meet who and where.

Making games all ticket just shifts the aggro off the terraces. Making stadiums members only is fine and you will always ban a few fans for life that way but they'll still get up to mischief away from the ground if called upon.

Hooliganism seems to have been around forever and there are probably young men out there who were involved in last night's action who have had the buzz passed down from father to son. It's in their jeans. It's what they do innit?

It ain't always about having a dead end job with a shit life. People with good jobs are also known to swing a punch or pool cue. Explain that one you boffins.

Now of course we have a new breed of hooligan. The retired old hand. Back in the day players were the heroes but there was still a sense of approachability about them. Old Arsenal boys telling me about meeting the likes of Charlie George and Tony Adams in bars round North London after they had finished training and they were always willing for a chat with supporters.

Not today. You see these muggy players when they get off the team bus. Kitted in shell suits, looking mean and moody, locked away in their own personal i-pod world they hardly invite interaction with the outside world do they?

It was Ashley Cole who perhaps best illustrated how far the divide had grown between players and fans when he gleefully bragged in his pointless autobiography how he had nearly driven off the road after hearing Arsenal's offer of a 5 grand a week pay rise. Only 5 grand a week, only an extra quarter of a million a year. Tell it to those on mortgages Ash.

More recently of course we had Liverpool midfielder Steven Gerrard actually in a bar. But apparently he took offense at the music being played and decided to slap some guy a few times. Then have his mates join in. good friendly stuff.

Into the void stepped thug-lit. One time thugs, retired terrace heroes told their tales of daring do, never done, never run heroics back in the days of inter city specials and pay on the gate games. Write a book, make a t shirt, hey connect with the people you grew up with and suddenly the shelves of WH Smiths were straining under the pressure of these hoolie tales.

A circuit developed where these bovver boys would travel the country, have a jar with some folk who paid to meet them and sell a few more books. Throw in a question and answer session, everyone has a few beers and all go home after a very pleasant night out. While the players live in their celebrity wonderland, sipping in their exclusive clubs and sleeping in their gated communities far from the riff raff.

Everyone loves a rebel. Most people lead such dull, conformist lives where initiative is crushed out of them by the need to pay the mortgage and not upset the pricks at number 47. On life support machines they look to others for their kicks. Some see celebs as rebels. Others see musicians while yet others see people kicking the crap out of each other and wish they had the balls.

Most of us are pretty vacant when it comes down to it.

Following the herd

2009-08-24T16:28:00.002+07:00

Taken from the Independent

One of the old traditions already appears in place. The "lucky Arsenal" tag is more than 70 years old, but seemed as relevant as ever on Saturday. Not only did Bennett exonerate Gallas, when on another day he could easily have been dismissed, there was a suspicion of offside about the Gunners' first and third goals. Furthermore, Gallas, having inadvertently scored off his back at Celtic in midweek, fluked the latter strike as well, off his calf and face.

It's about time we had some luck. the old lady seems to have deserted us over the last few years. But instead of giving the Arsenal some praise for three straight wins, with 12 goals in the process, the media instead get all gooey over Tottenham and say how lucky we have been.

'Cos of course we never deserved to beat either Everton, Celtic or Pompey. In fact if it wasn't for our fortuitous 12 goals we would probably have lost all three games. In fact one guy, who gets paid for this, says that had Gallas been sent off Pompey would probably won the game.

And if my Uncle Dick had a fanny he'd have been my Auntie Dick.

Jeez. Tottenham have beaten mighty Hull, average West Ham and a wierd Liverpool. So why the hype for them? Why the collective crawling in some sections of the media. We know what's gonna happen. They will implode as they do every bloody year.

Bloody hell, they're trying to kid us that Roman, Robbie, Robot man and Defore are the best strike force in the Premier League.

I guess they're pissed, having consigned to a top 6 position they don't want to lose face.

We've won nothing, far from it, but we have rubbed some faces in the ground...and they don't like it, do they?

10 Great Songs

2009-08-23T20:20:00.002+07:00

Inspired by something similar I read in the Independent I have drawn up my own top 10 songs or chants I have heard at games

From my school days

1 –
We hate Andy Pandy and we hate Bill and Ben
We hate Ken Dodd and his silly little men
We went down Playschool and smashed up the toys
‘cos we are the Grove School Boot Boys

From the North Bank, Highbury to Peter Shilton after he had been caught with his trousers down

2 –
If you all had Tina clap your hands
If you all had Tina clap your hands
If you all had Tina, all had Tina, all had Tina
Clap your hands

Tottenham innit

3 –
Cheer up Martin Jol
Oh what can it mean
To a fat Tottenham bastard
And a shit football team

4 –

I will survive

5 –
Is it a fire drill

From my Aussie days, directed at John Kosmina at a NSW State League game between Sutherland Shire Soccer Sharks and St George

6 –
If you shagged Kossie’s missus clap your hands
If you shagged Kossie’s missus clap your hands
If you shagged Kossie’s missus, If you shagged Kossie’s missus
Clap your hands

To which Kossie replied ‘yeah and I shagged your sister. Wanna swap?’

When Pele turned up at an NSL game between St George and Marconi. Zoran Ilic...what more can be said?

7 –
We all agree Ilic is better than Pele

8 –
You’ll never play for St George

9 –
You fill up my senses
Like a gallon of Magnet
Like a packet of Woodbines
Like a good pinch of snuff
Like a night out in Sheffield
Like a greasy chip butty
Like Sheffield United
Come fill me again....
Na Na Na Naa Naa Naaaaa, ooo!

Persija fans away from home singing You'll Never Walk Alone. In Indonesian!

10 –
Kamu takkan pernah jalan sendiri

It's grim up north

2009-08-19T16:44:00.002+07:00

Back in the first season of league football in 1888/1889, a time of northern shit pits, TS Lowry and a smoke covered industrial wasteland there were 6 sides from the north west out of 12 original competitors. There was Everton, Blackburn Rovers and Bolton Wanderers. And Accrington Stanley, Preston North End and Burnley.

The north west with it's chimney stacks and mill towns was the heart of English football and it was Preston, Proud Preston, who ended that first season as unbeaten champions.

Fast forward 121 seasons and still clubs in the region dominate at the highest level. We have the new age giants of the M62, Manchester United and Liverpool who have won trophy after trophy in the last 40 odd years. Their lesser city cousins, Manchester City and Everton. Forever bridesmaids City and perhaps destined to remain that way despite the petrodollars being sunk into them. And Everton. The club that gives out toffees and still plays the theme from Z Cars despite the fact much of their support never saw the show.

Blackburn Rovers and Bolton Wanderers seem to be accepted as part of the Premier League but Rovers only returned to the big time thanks to Jack Walker's steel bucks while Bolton, forever damned for giving us Big Sam, seem to be counting the days before slipping back into the oblivion where they belong.

But what about Wigan Athletic? Rugby league town, overspill for Liverpool and Manchester, who ever would have thought they would not only land up there with the big boys but stick around a while. Bloody Wigan!

They arrived in the professional game in 78, replacing Southport and seemed destined for lower division anonymity. But along comes some sugar daddy, former Blackburn Rovers player, pumps in the cash and Wigan rise. And rise. And rise. And to cap it all in Roberto Martinez they have appointed a very promising manager indeed.

Burnley are back. Unabashed sentimalist that I am, as long as the Arse ain't losing, it's great to see them back. Back in the early 60s, before my time, they came agonisingly close to a domestic double with a team filled, if memory serves, with local lads from the terraced back to backs that filled the urban landscape.

The north east never seems to get it's act together for long enough to mount a title bid while Middlesbrough, Sunderland Newcastle take it in turns to yo yo between the top two divisions. A similar story in the West Midlands where West Brom are taking a gap year before returning to the top flight while fellow Black Country boys Wolves take their place.

All that training pays off

2009-08-19T08:37:00.002+07:00

Arsene Wenger this morning looks back on last night's 2-0 victory over Celtic and must be delighted to see that all that hard work pre season on the training pitch has worked off.

The first goal came from William Gallas, his second in two games, as he tried ever so hard to get out the way of a free kick. The ball deflected off his back, just like in training, and it was 1-0 to the Arsenal. The second goal was an og.

You can imagine Celtic boss Tony Mowbray being gutted at conceding two poncey goals like them but hey, that's football. He wanted the job, get over it.

Celtic never really threatened and Arsenal's defence looked impressive. And it was good to see we sat back and then counuered alot more, especially second half, than we have done in recent, barren, seasons when we have been camped into our opponents half desperately seeking space.

Ya, boo, hiss, sucks

2009-08-18T15:33:00.002+07:00

Great. The football is back and we get to see more images of fans biting their fingernails as defeat looms. And, for good measure, we were shown images of fans leaving Goodison Park and Villa Park in their thousands as defeat looms. Before they headed home we got the obligatory boos.

Some fans will tell you that they pays their money, if they wanna boo then they bloody well will. Maybe it's age but I don't recall fans in the past being so quick to judge. Booing in the second half of the first home game of the season shows up some fans for what they are. Mealy mouthed mugs brought up on 606 and anonymous postings on message boards.

Accuse them of that of course and they will point to their 'proud' history of supporting their club.

You should never boo your own. If you wanna slag 'em off then do so at home, not inside the bloody stadium. And not on the first day of the season.

The logic of Rafa

2009-08-18T15:07:00.002+07:00

Being a football manager is a precarious career choice. You know that one day you'll be out on your ear, possibly after a not so reassuring vote of confidence. You are after all hired to be fired. And before you get that far be prepared from every smart alec fan and pundit who thinks he knows your job better than you.

Step forward please Rafael Benetiz, the Spaniard manager of Liverpool with the goatee who looks like a waiter in a wartime cafe in occupied France.

Liverpool fans I have spoken to love the guy but perhaps they're still living in 2005, Milan and all that.

But for now, and the foreseeable future I cannot see Liverpool winning the Premier League all the while he is running the club.

Seriously, there are times when he sounds like he's from another planet. Yes, I know managers like to wrap their precious players in cotton wool in case anyone should say anything negative about them. But his comments after losing to Tottenham at the weekend crossed the line from acceptable to downright rude.

I believe the FA started some kind of respect campaign last season. Something about showing them poor match officials a bit of leniency once in a while and not just jumping on their back every time they get a decision wrong.

Rafa calling the 4th official at White Hart Lane 'too young' was patronising and disrespectful. Match officials don't have the right of reply in public of course. In private they meet down the Blind Beggar and drive needles in effegies of Wenger, Rafa and Fergie before vomiting on a card board cut out Goodison Park.

But I'm sure that if the refs could answer back they might have a few choice words for the waiter. Like why would you go and sell one of your three best players? Why have you got so much dross in your team?

Selling Xabi Alonso was very different to the Arsenal selling Emmanuel Adebayor. The Togolese striker's ego was far bigger than his size 15s and his peronality didn't gel in the dressing room. He went missing in big games and when you sell the weakest link you can only strengthen the squad.

But Alonso wasn't a whinging tart as far as I could make out. And he did a bit on the pitch as well.
Selling a player like him when you only have limited quality at your disposal doesn't make much football sense. Unless Rafa, after whinging about Gareth Barry earlier in the summer, and the board were being greedy.

Liverpool will still finish in the top four. There will be enough dodgy penalties in their favour, especially at home. But if anyone is likely to fall from the supposed big 4 it is them unless some drastic surgery is carried out.

Hleb speak with forked tounge

2009-08-13T06:18:00.002+07:00

Aleksander Hleb, in my humble opinion, was one of Arsene Wenger's worst signings for the Arsenal. As he was leaving Germany where he had starred with VfB Stuttgart, Franz Beckanbauer, who knows a thing or two about football, decried the loss of the best dribbler in the Bundesliga.

So he arrived at the Arsenal with a reputation and what an inovater he proved as he introduced English football to dead end football. We'd seen the glory game, flashes of total football and of course the long ball but Hleb gave football new meaning with his eye for the impossible.

My abiding image of the Belarus international is of him outside the penalty area surrounded by defenders. He would spot the run of a colleague into the penalty area, a penalty area packed with defenders, and play through a slide rule pass for his mate to run onto.

It's the kind of move that works perfectly on paper where movement is replaced by arrows and defenders are blobs that don't move. But on grass where football tends to be played those defenders have this annoying ability of moving. And once they sussed Hleb was little more than a one trick pony they were on to him.

For an attacking midfielder he was reluctant to shoot and reluctant to create too many clear cut chances, instead preferring his own intricate game of chess which, to be fair, could run rings round the likes of Reading but was actually useless against teams who could play a bit.

I celebrated last season when he moved to Spain and joined Barcelona. Being a Gooner of 40 years I knew the old adage. Leaving the Arse does not improve your career.

But Hleb knew everything. Rather like some backpacker arriving in Thailand for the first time he was seduced the percieved glamour of his new surroundings and the people with who he mixed. Frequently he would be interviewed in the media and would use the opportunity to tell his former team mates like Cesc Fabregas and Emmanuel Adebayor to come and join him.

Reality soon crept in as the Barca coaches soon realised what a crock of shite they had signed and he spent more time on the bench than the physio.

By the end of the season where Barca had ruled the roost Hleb was like Private Spong in Dad's Army; always hanging round with the stars but really just there to make up the numbers.

And now he's back in Stuttgart and now his whines take on a different tone. He should never have left the Arsenal, he says, he was working with one of the best managers in the world. We of course knew all this. But I for one was happy to see him leave and am now happy to see he fucked up.

Six days to go

2009-08-10T11:19:00.002+07:00

Finally, the real action, I am an Arsenal fan so no disrespect to followers of non Premier League teams, begins on Saturday and football will dominate the headlines, blogs and forums.

Gotta say I'm bored with the endless will he/won't he transfer sagas, over analysis of meaningless friendlies. the Community Shield, blank sports reports desperate for copy but lacking anything substantive.

Predictions? Last year I said it was between Manchester United and Arsenal and while I was half right I see no reason to change this time round. Liverpool seem to have prioritised brand building in south east Asia over team building and wll not last the pace. Just not enough quality in the first choice II.

Chelsea? How long have most of them gits been together now? Who was it that said a good football team has three seasons together. Chelsea's spine, Cech, Terry, Essien, Lampard and Drogba needs spicing up.

Manchester City? Don't make me laugh. Mark Hughes has been like a kid in the candy store and is already going for the old 'us against them' line as his club gets plenty of brickbats but little in the way of credit. Football is, well used to be, about players, not money and Hughsie is about to learn that lesson the hard way.

Aston Villa? Again, lack of real quality. Plenty of good players in the team but very few class players.

Nope, it's betwen Fergie and Wenger. Again.

April 1st comes late

2009-08-10T02:18:00.002+07:00

This story has Chelsea paying 45 million quid to AC Milan for 19 year old striker Alexandre Pato then loaning him back to the Italians for a season. Eh? Like here's the money guys but tell you what, you have the money and you can also keep the player for a bit longer. Chelsea are now a charity!

Of course the story comes from the News of the World which means it's a non starter anyway. Plus Pato is still a teenager. Way too young for Chelsea.

Bobby Robson RIP

2009-07-31T17:29:00.002+07:00

Just found out the man who put Ipswich Town on the map has passed away. Certain sections of the English media showed why they are called gutter press when he was managing England and his own local side Newcastle United hardly treated him fairly but expect gushing tributes from those quarters anyway.

Like I said, for me I will always remember what he did with Ipswich.

I even have my own Bobby Robson story. I saw him once coming out of Arsenal tube station while he was managing England, he was on his way to a game of course. Seemed happy enough talking to the fans, and of course travelling on the underground.

Wonder if Fabio knows where to change to get to Arsenal's new stadium?

RIP Bobby

An Undisclosed Fee

2009-07-30T08:22:00.000+07:00

So Kolo Toure joins the Sky Blue Arabian Revolution in Manchester. Can’t say he’ll be missed. Yes, he used to clap his hands a lot and grind his teeth a lot, in some quarters the signs of a good captain, but he hadn’t been at his best for a while so when City came in with a good offer they bye bye Kolo.

Was it a good offer? One report has 16 million. Another 14 million. Meanwhile the Arsenal website announces an undisclosed fee.

What is it with these undisclosed fees? Someone got something to hide? What does the taxman think?

I live in Indonesia, supposedly one of the least transparent countries in the world. Yet the fact that its star footballer Bambang Pamungkas earns about 137,000 USD is out there in the public arena. How much will Toure earn at Eastlands?

Why the secrecy within the English game over transfer fees and salaries? It hasn’t always been this way. I remember Alan Ball writing in Shoot magazine that he earned 250 quid a week. I remember the Arsenal chairman Denis Hill-Wood proudly saying Malcom MacDonald had cost 333,333 quid.

Not now though. While people demand greater transparency in all areas of life, in football things get murkier. All those grubby hangers on lurking in back alleys and 5 star hotel bakeries want their cut but we, the mugs who pay the piper, aren’t allowed to know who gets what.

Things can only get better

2009-07-29T15:05:00.003+07:00

I'm gobsmacked by some of the dross I've been reading about the Arsenal recently. It would appear that selling Adebayor and possibly Toure and Eboue is consigning us to also ran status. And that, mes amis, is bollocks.

Two years ago Wenger frequently said the squad was the best he had ever put together in his time at the Arsenal. But it wasn't far from it and I think deep down he knows it. Look who's been moved on. Flamini, Hleb, Adebayor, and possibly the two Ivorians. And what exactly have they ever won with the Arsenal?

Apart from Toure very little. Hleb was so good at benchwarming at Barca now he's been given the same job in Italy.

Toure hasn't been the same the last couple of seasons so fine, someone comes in and offers daft money to both the Arsenal and the player, bite their bloody hands off. Anybody wants Eboue, take it.

Sagna, Clichy, Gibbs, Gallas, Djourou, Vermaelen, Song, Silvestre (!), Senderos (?), Traore
Fabregas, Rosicky, Arshavin, Wilshire, Nasri, Diaby, Denilson, Ramsey
Eduardo, van Persie, Bendtner, Vela, Walcott

I would lke to see a new keeper and someone else in the middle but there's lots of flexibility there. Song in midfield for example, Walcott wide or up top.

Also an injury free season would make a bloody great difference.

Adebayor packs his toothbrush

2009-07-20T07:01:00.002+07:00

Finally the much maligned Emmanuel Adebayor has left the Arsenal and in his never ending quest to pad out his bank account moved to - Manchester City.

So much for all that bull about Barca, AC Milan...

Adebayor's last 12 months are a sorry indicment about the state football is in. Remember all those high faluting suits who talk about football being a business. It is. But it's like casinos. Instead of the house always winning in football, especially in the la la land of Premier League it's the player.

The Togolese arrived at Arsenal unheard of and to be fair he worked his nuts off in his early days. 30 goals in one season was a healthy return but he started to believe the hype.

He wanted more money last year and if he didn't get that he would leave. He got more money and played like a twat most of the season. In the big games he went missing time and time again. His body language showed he didn't give a shit and while fans can accept most things they loathe a player who don't perform and don't put in the effort.

So he gets another pay rise with his move to Manchester City and they inherit a sulker...the ego has landed. No one else wanted him, word had got around this guy was bad news.

Another pay rise in 12 months and what exactly has he done to deserve that? What has he won that places him in the high earning category?

Nothing...all Mark Hughes has done is buy himself a bundle of trouble later on down the line.

These people never learn, do they?

A Pot too far

2009-06-17T10:53:00.002+07:00

So what's all this Confederations Cup malarky all about then. As if the Euros last year weren't enough the bankers in Geneva have gone and dreamed up some other nonsense competition.

What's it all about? Who's it for? I really lack the interest to find out anything. It just smacks of another pot to keep the sponsors happy.

We keep hearing how 'tired' these players are supposed to be then bugger me they go and introduce another bloody pointless competition for them to compete in.

Begger's belief - really does!

James Milner

2009-06-15T08:53:00.002+07:00

James Milner, the Aston Villa winger, seems like he's been around decades but he's only 23 years old.

He started with his home town club, Leeds, making his debut in 2002 when he was still just 16. But Leeds were in free fall after chairman of the time, Peter Risdale, splashed the cash living the dream as Leeds chased an elusive glory.

A glory that never came. Debts, not cups, filled the board room chatter and Milner was sold to Newcastle in 2004 to pay off some of the creditors.

All the time he was playing for the England Under 21s.

At the start of last season he moved to Aston Villa, a side he had previously appeared on loan for.

He has recently been named again in the England Under 21 for the upcoming Euro Championships which of course begs the question. What the bloody hell for?

42 appearances at that level but nary a look in with the full team. Surely, after seven years, that tells its own tale?

He's played more games than any other player and that illustrious lists includes such quality as Tom Huddlestone (33 caps) and David Prutton (25).

Surely it's time for him to either move on to the full squad or step down and let everyone get excited about some other young prodigy.

When 6-0 isn't enough

2009-06-12T18:46:00.000+07:00

When 6-0 isn't enough
i'm never going to be one of England's biggest fans. Don't get me wrong I used to go to Wembley back in the day and even did my bit in foreign lands for the 3 Lions. Even now as I age disgracefully I can still be found sometimes wearing an England football shirt, stretched over my widening girth and displaying my beer gut in all its glory. With my naval clearly visible I call it 'doing a Brittney'.
A 100% start to a world cup campaign ain't to be sneezed at by anyone. Days gone by we'd wonder if we'd ever see another goal. Under Fabio they come by the bagful. Happy days for sure.
To be sure it's only the qualifying round. Thumping Andorra 6-0 doesn't mean the World Cup is as good as England's. No one seriously believes that outside of the playground and the tabloid press-room.
What it is though is a good start. Visiting former satellites of the Soviet empire and thumping them does not mean Spain and Brazil would roll over so easily. But you can only beat what's in front of you and till now Fabio's men to be handling that fairly well.

Whatever happened to ...

2009-06-10T08:32:00.002+07:00

Arsenal's Youth Cup winning squad 1999/2000? With the Arsen having won the 2009 edition, their 3rd triumph in a decade, what can we expect from Bouldie's Boys? And what has happened to those who have similarly triumphed? Obviously winning the Youth Cup ins't the start of a flourishing football career as these tales indicate.

Graham Stack - now 27 years old, managed to play 62 league games in a creer that has seen him play for Millwall, Reading, Leeds, Wolves, Plymouth and Blackpool. Scored a pen for the Arsenal in a League cup tie

Craig Holloway - impeccable North London name but still never made the grade

Israel da Silva - no idea

Liam Chilvers - also 27 and also never played in the league for the Arsenal. Spent time on loan with Northampton Town, Colchester United, Notts County and is now with Preston. Like Stack played in Belgium with Arsenal's partner club there Beveren

Niccola Galli - Italian, his father was good mates with Liam Brady from his time there. Towering centre back he sadly died aged 17

John Halls - Islington boy but failed to make the grade. Like others he spent time with Bevern, Colchester as well as Reading, Stoke City, Preston, Crystal Palace, Sheffield United and most recently Brentford. But still only managed a pissy 120 league games

Moritz Volz - German full back who managed to carve out a decent career for himself at Fulham before going on loan to Ipswich. Probably happy in East Anglia 'cos he likes a bit of cycling does Moritz

Steve Sidwell - despite being a ginger has gone on to have a reasonable career including four years at Reading and one season bench warming at Chelsea. Now with Aston Villa but, like the aforementioned, never played a league game with the Arse

Stephen Santry - no idea

David Noble - one problem faced by silky young midfielders is they always get compared with Liam Brady and Noble was no different. Moved to West Ham after failing to get a game with the Arse, then Boston and Bristol City as well as loan spells with Watford and Yeovil. Now released by Bristol City

Rohan Ricketts - left the Arse to join Tottenham but they should have known we would never let them have the cream of the crop. A few games on loan at Coventry and Wolves before apermanent move to Wolves then loan again to QPR. A handful of games with Barnsley but now he plays for Toronto in the US MSL

Graham Barrett - actually managed a couple of league games with the Arse but still left. Spent time on loan with Bristol Rovers, Crewe, Colchester and Brighton before signing with Coventry. Represented the Republic of Ireland, after three years at Cov he moved to Scotland, initially with Livingstone then Falkirk and St Johnstone.

Jay Bothroyd - temper tantrums saw him sold by Arsenal to Coventry City where he spent three reasonably productive seasons before becoming an Englishman in Italy when Perugia signed him. Never settled there and returned to England initially on loan with Blackburn before signing for Charlton then Wolves. A loan spell with Stoke now he is with Cardiff City

Jerome Thomas - North London boy but had to move to QPR on loan and Charlton before he could get game time. Now with other Arsenal boys Richard Hughes, Lauren, Sol Campbell, Kanu at Portsmouth

Jo Kuffour - went on to represent Ghana at full international level, like so many of the class of 2000 he was forced to leave the Arsenal in search of first team football. Swindon on loan first then Torquay, Brentford, Bournemouth and now Bristol Rovers.

Jeremie Aliadiaire - French striker probably had the longest Arsenal career of any of the class of 2000, playing the most games, including 29 in the Premier League. More than the rest of his erstwhile teammates put together. Loan spells with West Ham, Wolves and Celtic before joining Middlesbrough

Carlin Itonga - disappeared into non league football

So let me get this straiight

2009-05-07T04:25:00.002+07:00

When Kieran Gibbs slips and gifts manchester United their opening goal in the Chmpions League semi final it's inexperience and he'll learn from it.

But when Michael Essien loses the ball in the build up to Barcelona's equaliser it's what exactly?

The love in continues

2009-05-06T09:55:00.002+07:00

So Manchester United effortlessly brushed aside a strangely ineffectual Arsenal side and still Wenger and Fergie gush nice words about each other. True words but strangely out of place given their history.

But these two ties, along with last season's FA Cup tie which United won 4-0, have shown us hat the gulf between the two sides is still massive and while deep down Wenger appreciates this, Fergie perhaps recognose the Arsenal for what they really are.

Lamented foes fallen on hard times and in need of a kind word now and then.

Wenger saw Fletcher's red card and agreed it was harsh! Wenger, the same Wenger who has seen nothing on the pitch for the last decade and a bit surely not getting soft?

But the fact is there is little to say about the Arsenal. Over the two games they were as threatening as butterfly cakes and bowling on the village green.

As ever Fergie is the master and Wenger the student and as a student he has a lot to learn about winning things. Anything.

Like any Arsenal fan I would welcome the Carling Cup or the FA Cup. A trophy is a trophy and while the bank manager may appreciate lengthy European cup runs I'm pretty sure the players would like a medal or two to show for their achievements

Big time bottlers

2009-05-06T03:07:00.002+07:00

Yet again come the big game and the Arsenal go missing. On a night of humiliation and pain at the Emirates Arsene Wenger's men showed nothing to suggest a four year trophy drought is going to coming to an end any time soon.

Forget Gibbs' slip, he did the same at Old Trafford. Forget Almunia's poor positioning for the free kick, Arsenal offered nothing. Zilch. And that has got to have Wenger questioning his policies. They just rolled over and died.

But we expect this to be fair. Wenger is putting together a team of losers. Just check out this list.

2009 - Champions League semi final v Manchester United
2009 - FA Cup semi final v Chelsea
2008 - Carling Cup semi final v Totts
2008 - Champions League quarter final v Liverpool
2007 - Carling Cup final v Chelsea
2006 - Champions League final v Barcelona

Some clubs of course would love to have that record. But we're Arsenal. And Wenger keeps saying he's a winner. But he's not. Not now.

Instead of having players like Walcott coming out and saying people are scared of Arsenal 'cos we beat the likes of Portsmouth and Middlesbrough, instead of Wenger saying they would beat United in the second leg they should just shut the rubber duck up and win a bloody trophy. Win something, then boast.

Cunning Linguists

2009-04-27T17:42:00.002+07:00

I've just had to mute Pedro Pinto as he goes through the sports bit on CNN. He gets well over the top with his pronunciation of some clubs, especially the latin and Italian clubs. But why? He just sounds daft.

Do you get German TV presenters talk about Naarf London or the Arsenal? Nope, never.

So why do these guys do it? Do they think it makes them sound so well cultured 'cos they can say Inter like an Italian or Marseille like a Frenchie?

When will they start pronouncing the names of Russian teams correctly? Or Thai teams? Or even Bangkok. In fact why Bangkok anyway when it's real name, and these guys are going for authenticity aren't they, is Krungthepmahanakorn etc etc.

But the biggest joke, where they make themselves look so bloody daft is when they call the German side Bayern Munich. If they wanna be consistent, and no they probably don't, it should be either Bavaria Munich or Bayern Munchen.

Just speak proper eh?

Wenger and Fergie and grass. Man

2009-04-21T07:37:00.000+07:00

So like you know man. First it was Arsene Wenger and you know like how before the game against Chelsea he wasn't sure like about the grass at Wembley man. Then he like went and lost you know and since then he is more than sure the grass just ain't that top quality man.

Then Sir Alex goes and loses and he sings from the same songbook like. The grass man, it just ain't good. Of couse you know when he won the Carling Cup a weeks back he, like, wasn't too worried about the grass but then he won man.

It's like Wenger said a few years back. Everyone thinks their grass is better than everyone elses.

Missing Person Alert

2009-04-20T17:04:00.000+07:00

Has anybody seen Emmanuel Adebayor? The 25 year old Togolese went missing somewhere in the Wembley, North London area last Satdurday afternoon and has not been seen since. He was rumoured to have been with the Arsenal team who played Chelsea in the FA Cup semi final.

The tall striker of course is no stranger to going missing. Last season, with his employer's in the hunt for the Premier League and team mate Eduardo missing with an horrific injury, Adebayor didn't show up for other games, games that coincided with a fading title challenge.

He did however turn up in the close season with a vengence when he demanded a hefty pay rise or he would leave. He got his wish.

Now however, when it is time to show he is worth the big bucks, he does a runner again.

Nothing won yet

2009-04-18T08:50:00.000+07:00

It was only a few weeks ago that the Arsenal were being written off by all and sundry. Wenger, so the percieved logic went, had failed to replace Aleksander Hleb and Matthieu Flamini and the club's place in the so called Big 4 had been usurped by Aston Villa.

It was bollocks then and it's bollocks now.

Hleb was one of the least effectual players in my Arsenal memory while Flamini had one consistent season in his spell at the club. But hey, who needs facts when there's a bandwagon to be jumped on.

Now of course there is a new bandwagon. Arsenal are in both the FA Cup and Champion's League semi finals and suddenly Wenger is a genius again.

Out come all the tired old cliches from tired old hacks without an original thing to say between them. Before we were crap if the likes of Henry, Pires or Vieria were missing. Now we have a new holy trinity of Cesc, Ade and Theo and when they are missing we are pants.

Let's look at some facts.

We lost to Fulham and that day we had Ade and Theo playing. Our next defeat was famously at home to Hull City when we had all three of our so called super stars playing.

Stoke City beat us at their place and lo and behold look who was playing for us then? Cesc and Ade while Theo came on as a second half sub!

We got thumped 3-0 at Manchester City and all three were missing from that game. As were Toure, Eboue, Gallas, Rosicky and Eduardo. Does that prove the argument? For the home defeat against Villa Theo played while Ade was sub.

On the other hand much of our current unbeaten run was put together with much of the trio missing. Indeed our 3-1 at WBA was achieved without Cesc, Theo and Ade while another much hyped VIP, Robin van Persie was a non playing sub.

Forget the hype, forget the bullshit being passed off as insightful analysis, nothing matters until an Arsenal captain gets his hands on a piece of silverware.

Man who speaks

2009-04-18T06:06:00.000+07:00

There is a reason why most footballers don't become coaches or managers. It's 'cos they're a few sarnies short of a picnic.

After years of being told what to do, what time to turn up, what to wear, they gradually lose any idea of independent thought or initiative. It's drummed out of them. Their universe shrinks to one where they are both the aplha and omega. They are the sun and the rest of us mere asteroids that orbit them at their whim.

Everything is seen in pounds and pence and the chances of spit roasting big breasted totty looking to sell their story to frantic red tops.

Take Emmanuel Petit. Former journeyman footballer, Arsene Wenger took him from nowhere and made him into a useful player for three years. After which the pony tailed plonker headed to Barcelona for a few shekels and a bigger salary.

He did sod all there before going to Chelsea for another decent wedge.

But he was never the same player after he left the Arsenal. Like many others before him and after him have found, the pay cheques may be weightier but the grass ain't always greener and the bench is still the bench whether you're in Barca or Real Madrid.

Some players play football to win things. Others to fatten their wallets.

What has Manu done since leaving the game? He has managed where? He has won what?

So why was his opinion deemed so newsworthy?

Bye bye Luton

2009-04-16T04:49:00.000+07:00

I have a visceral hatred of Luton Town. It all dates back to the 1980s when they had a whole string of daft ideas like membership schemes, plastic pitches, David Evans, 1988 and the shittiest ground in English football.

Check out this story for a pre Hillsborough tale of incompetent policing and the damage fences could do at football stadiums.

Needless to say I'm delighted they have gone out of the football league and will be playing non league next season. Like I was delighted they got docked 30 points before the season even began. Couldn't happen to a nicer club.

Tedium ad infinitum

2009-04-07T15:18:00.000+07:00

The mass media likes to treat its viewing or reading public as total mugs. Why else do they keep boring us rigid with the turgid twaddle emanating from Spain?

Barcelona wanna signing Cesc Fabregas...Real Madrid wanna sign Cristiano Ronaldo...

Every few months they repeat these boring old non storys and why? Just so they can say 'we told you so!'

Forget getting off their lazy lard arses and finding their own story, why not repeat the wishes of some slick Spanish senor they have never met and play his political game for him?

April Fool

2009-04-01T15:40:00.000+07:00

Alan Shearer to be appointed new manager of Newcastle United.

'Arry! Who r ya?

2009-03-31T12:39:00.000+07:00

It seems managers try to hard.

In 2008 Harry Redknapp was stated as saying he supported Arsenal. In fact he said he 'was a big Arsenal fan as a kid.'

Of course after he moved to manage Tottenham he changed his tune quicker than a DJ. 'I am a big follower of the history of the game and Tottenham have been a great club over the years. I followed Tottenham, I trained there as an 11-year-old, 12-year-old so I know the history of the club. It is a big, big club'

Saying you know something about anything cos you spent a couple of years there way back when is pretty bloody desperate.

I mean, it sounds almost presidential duunit? Like Barack Obama describing his years in Indonesia and how they had given him an understanding of Islam and life in developing countries.

Tottenham's humiliasian

2009-03-30T10:58:00.000+07:00

Pity poor Spurs. They try so hard to be thought of as a big club but recent events have without doubt burst that illusion.

They have spent the last few weeks desperately trying to arrange some friendlis in South East Asia for May but, unlike teams like Chelsea, Liverpool and Manchester United, they have been finding it hard.

First they approached Indonesia. With Indonesian shirt sponsors you'd think this would have been a no brainer but the FA in Jakarta said no thanks, prefering to prioritise their own domestic league.

A few hurried phone calls later and it was announced the side from the swamps of Middlesex would be playing Vietnam and Singapore.

But now the Vietnamese have pulled the plug citing excessive costs and a lack of a sponsor!

So will the Singapore game also be pulled? Will they come all the way over here just for one friendly or will they knock it on the head, blush quietly and admit to the fact they are nothing but a two bob outfit with little recognition beyond their own shores?

10 Reasons never to go to another England home game

2009-03-29T01:51:00.001+07:00

1 - Having to join a poncey England fan club to prove my loyalty
2 - Outrageous ticket prices
3 - Peter Crouch
4 - Face painters
5 - Mexican waves
6 - The risk of being seen on TV with 4 & 5
7 - That bloody brass band
8 - Having the twat next to me singing he's England till he dies
9 - Seeing Daily Mail readers in the flesh
10 - The possibility of having to cheer a Frank Lamparse goal
11 - Oh yeah ... I don't live in England anymore

God I'm a whinging old git at times. England are beating Slovakia 3-0 in a pointless friendly, are on a roll, are doing the business under Fabio and all I can do is whinge.

What's with the shorts and socks? Free of kit manufacturer's logo and FA badge? Shirley Nott?

Scottish football - pointless or potential?

2009-03-27T08:24:00.000+07:00

Scottish football – potential or pointless?

The whole notion of a Scottish Premier League is laughable. In a country where two teams win everything how can anything be labelled a premier league?

The current edition is 10 years old and guess what? Celtic have won it six times, Rangers four. In the four years when Celtic didn’t finish top they finished second. In fact the only time any team has intruded on the Old Firm’s duopoly was back in 2006 when Hearts finished second behind Celtic.

The dominance continues to the stats. The top scorers from the last 10 seasons played for either Celtic or Rangers. The players’ player of the year came from Celtic or Rangers. The writer’s player of the year came from Celtic or Rangers. Except for one odd season, 2006, when Hearts Craig Gordon won it. The year Hearts came second.

They also of course boast the biggest stadiums with Celtic’s Parkhead holding nearly 61,000 and Ibrox over 50,000. The next biggest is the rather poncey Pittodrie where Aberdeen rarely fill their 22,000 seater. Teams like Falkirk, St Mirren and Hamilton Academical, fixture fillers and cannon fodder all, have stadiums that hold less than 10,000 and the struggle to fill that.

Then we have the Scottish national team. Once upon a time it was filled with players from the top clubs in England. Not any more. Maybe the talent pool has emptied north of the border. Maybe players from Togo, South Korea and Guatemala are better but we’re seeing less players head south.

It’s come to something when the likes of Craig Gordon and Alan Hutton, two of the Scottish footballs higher profile names, moved south to also rans like Sunderland and Tottenham.

Now the national side gets its players from Cardiff City, Falkirk, a 37 year old journeyman called Graham Alexander and Bristol City. The second most capped player is Darren Fletcher, a bit part player at Manchester United.

One win in their last nine games, and that against the all conquering Iceland, is evidence of Scotland’s fall from grace in the world of football.

Back in 2002 the national side went on a short Asian tour playing games in Hong Kong and South Korea. Perhaps that is the future of Scotland? Pre season tours to places like New Zealand, Canada and South Africa. Places with a large migrant Scottish population who can put on their finest tartan, neck their finest whiskeys and watch their nation’s finest footballers. Get beaten.

Celtic and Rangers. Two of the biggest names in football, they are successful and they get massive crowds. Why don’t we see Singaporeans, Malaysians or Thais wearing hoped shirts or waving the red hand of Ulster? Simple. Because the players aren’t famous. You don’t read about them in the gossip pages.

So Scottish football plods along in its own little way. Sectarian chanting dating back to 17th century Ireland aside the game does little to stir columnists or headline writers outh of the border anymore.

Putting aside the Old Firm’s battles, the game exisits purely for die hards to show how much they love their own side. Sides like Cowdenbeath which you couldn’t find on a map. Since before the second world war they have won just one trophy. Generations have grown up following their side knowing nothing of the glamour their English cousins take for granted.

Calling themselves the Blue Brazil (!) they currently sit top of the Scottish 3rd Division ahead of powerhouses like Montrose and Albion Rovers and doubtless they’re loving every minute of it.

Perhaps, after they fall back into anonymity future generations will be told tales of Gemmell’s brace against Montrose one wet and windy evening by some flat cap wearing old git blabbing contentedly into his half empty glass. And defiantly he will look up and say, ‘aye, I was there.’

I went to an advertising fair and a football match broke out

2009-03-26T09:13:00.000+07:00

It must be a quiet week. With no real football till next weekend, ok there's a couple of internationals but they're usually only worth watching if there's sod all else on TV, the press are looking everywhere. And look what monsters they have found!

England's new kit officially is revealed on Saturday. Woo, officially note ye. Good news for the kit manufacturers no doubt and good news for the FA who probably get some royalty on each shirt sold. But not such good news for cash pressed dads with kids brought up to believe that dressing like Lampard has them running like Lampard, dressing like Rooney has them shagging grannies like Rooney and dressing like Cole (A) gives them license to act thick and get away with it.

The complete kit, shirt, shorts and socks, will set back anxious parents the best part of 70 quid. Per kid!

With jobs being lost left, right and centre, with people losing their houses, with credit tighter it's just what parents need. Of course not buying could be an option...albeit an unpopular one.

The other story doing the rounds is that of Wigan Athletic changing the name of their stadium from one of chairman Dave Whelan's companies to another of Dave Whelan's companies. Which maybe of news to Dave Whelan's companies but sure as hell ain't to me.

The media is little more than a mouth piece for the corporates who flood the game with money. I don't get anything out of publicising the names of sponsors, does the real media?

Why should we all follow blindly just 'cos one company introduces a new ball or 'cos an airline sponsors a football stadium? Why should we repeat the hyperbole?

Once upon a time football was about people kickng a ball around. Not any more. Now it's mind games, product launches and corporate nose bags.

Filthy Brown

2009-03-19T10:09:00.000+07:00

If you listened carefully you would have heard Hull City manager Phil Brown whining all the way back up the M1 on Tuesday night after seeing his team lose 2-1 to Arsenal in the FA Cup 6th round.

Like every good manager, and all the bad ones, when his team loses he needs a scapegoat because sure as eating vindaloos gives you the shits it ain’t going to be him or his players’ fault they lost a lead.

The Tigers dominated much of the first half and had the chances to open up a bigger lead than the 1-0 they took into the break with them. They didn’t. They had a goal disallowed, they scored through a lucky deflection and they failed to convert the rest. The key word here is they failed.

As the second half wore on the result was inevitable. Arsenal score late goals, Brown should have known that. They’d hit the crossbar, gone just wide. It was only a matter of time.

His defenders made a right old balls up and clearing the ball from Bendtner, who never had the thing under control, before van Persie drilled home from close range.

Then came the decisive second. Replays showed Gallas was offside but the linesman, following the spirit of the law which says the attacking team should be given the benefit of the doubt, thought the keeper had got a touch. Replays were inconclusive, what chance the lino?

Brown was having none of it. His post match press conference was embarrassing. His whining matched the Aussies after they lost the Ashes, he lashed out at anything and everything to show that though his team had lost it wasn’t his fault.

He has a pop at Fabregas who wasn’t even playing, accusing him of spitting at his assistant. The ref and linesman were of course fair game as was Arsene Wenger being French and all that.

We must remember of course Phil Brown’s background. He learnt his trade at the feet of that whiner extradinaire Sam Allardyce. The media’s favourite manager, the man who encouraged his players to kick first, play later. The man who signed El Hadj Diuof twice.

If Allardyce is the anti-football then Brown is one of his little imps. An ambitious imp no doubt with an eye for the camera and the headline.

Hull City play football unlike his mentor’s but behind that gleamy white smarmy American politico smile there is all the pent up anger and hatred he imbibed from Big Sam.

He has done a wonderful job with Hull. I gave them credit when they beat us 2-1 at ours earlier in the season. But on Tuesday night Brown showed his true colours. A sore loser quick to blame everyone but himself, much like every other manager, his outburst may well ensure that the Tigers are no longer the neutral’s favourite.

He of course won’t give two hoots about that. He is answerable to the board and fans of Hull and at the end of the season his report card will look pretty good. He deserves the praise he has received so far this season just as much as he deserves the brickbats after the other night.

Blaming the ref

2009-03-06T08:07:00.000+07:00

Once again we have the unsightly image of a ref being kicked while he is down and the mob, egged on by bloggers and TV replays, making sure they get one in as he rolls hopeless in the mud. Quality stuff of course. Refs deserve the abuse they get from the stands.

But what makes this story ugly is the way the writer is so keen to ask if such a such is the worst ref ever in the Premier League. Coming from a guy who has probably never rattled a pea in his life, it's a bit rich.

Refs are such easy targets and asking if one is the worst is an easy headline.

Why not ask whether Emmanuel Eboue is the worst player in the Premier League? Or would that upset a few influential people?

Shut up, Rafa

2009-01-19T08:47:00.000+07:00

It may seem odd to question the credentials of one of Europe’s leading managers but with every Rafa Benetiz outburst you can’t help but wonder. What is he playing at?

To come out and suggest that Manchester United and Sir Alex Ferguson get a favourable ride from football officialdom probably doesn’t find much argument from many in and out of the game. But rather like location in business, timing is everything and Rafa’s timing is as off as an Indonesian train schedule.

His team had a slender lead at the top of the Premier League, enjoying their best start to the season since Margaret Thatcher was Prime Minister but some results had looked less than convincing and a resurgent Manchester United were breathing down his neck.

So what was he thinking? Put the pressure on referees? Take the heat of his players? Or just mindless attacking for the sake of attacking?

The time to come out with such drivel is either at the start of the season or when United have a slight cushion at the top of the table. Not when your own side is barely hanging on to top spot.

Anyway it is a bit rich for Rafa and Liverpool to complain about decisions favoring one team over another. I mean Liverpool never get dodgy penalties ever. In the whole history of Jamie Carragher how often has he pulled down a player in the box and how often has it been missed by match officials?

Then we have the nonsense of Rafa’s contract. Que? Rafa, it is not becoming of such a great club as Liverpool to air all this in public.

Maybe he thinks by doing so he is putting pressure on the divided board knowing that, or hoping that, he has the fans behind him. But how much longer will they stay loyal to him when his loose talk seems to backfire nearly every time he opens his mouth.

He needs to forget about Fergie, forget about Manchester United and concentrate on givimg those supporters what they truly crave. Their first Premier League title. For if he doesn’t do that then all this contract talk will be academic.

Pity poor Blackburn

2008-12-18T09:55:00.000+07:00

After the hasty decision in sacking Paul Ince, and 6 months is hasty, the two front runners for the job were Sam Allardyce and Graeme Souness.

You can just sense the excitement oop north when it was revealed that those two were at the head of the queue.

Ince needs time to learn the job. You don't straight in some place and become an expert overnight, he needs time to male mistakes, learn from his mistakes. That's what good employers do. Allow people to make errors and learn from them.

How else can players like Eboue still be playing the game at the highest level.

Rovers have taken the easy option by appointing 'Big Sam' much to the delight no doubt of his fawning media following but isn't it telling that we haven't heard much about him for a while? Isn't it telling that no other club has really gone for him since his Newcastle adventure was cut short?

A smack in the mouth for new, young managers.

Another piss poor performance

2008-12-12T19:51:00.000+07:00

How many more of these are we going to have to put up with? Porto away, Wigan at home, Villa at hom, City away.

The list is frigging endless and so is my embarrassment. Woo, woo we beat Chelsea and Man Utd but really what's the point if we can't beat Fulham and Hull?

If Wenger can't see there are serious problems then he needs to take his neck out the sand.

And as for the treatment Eboue recieved last weekend.

You don't boo your own. Never.

Yes he's shit and yes he should do one as soon as possible but the scenes on Saturday were humiliating. For him and for Arsenal Football Club.

Thing is this playing players out of position is getting beyond a joke and shows how paper thin our squad is. How often have we seen Diaby and Denilson out wide? Like yeah, they are naturally wide players.

This current squad, and forget Wenger's hype about being the best he's ever had, is nothing but a band aid job. Shopping at mini marts 'cos we can no longer by the quality we need to win things. There are too many players who just ain't good enough.

The other rant concerns injuries. Why do we have so many? Last year was bad, what is wrong with Rosciky ffs, and these years is proving just as awful. Some fans are taking bets on when van Persie will be crock again.

Are these people really injured or do they have problems playing for the Arsenal? It seems the slightest knock and they're put in cotton wool while Wenger is forced again to change the team. Have we played the same starting XI for two consecutive games yet this season?

We have had Gallas opening his gob, we have had Eboue being jeered at home and we have a bunch of players who look like they don't give a toss.

All is not well at the good ship Arsena...

Well, ain't that Fab?

2008-11-20T05:58:00.000+07:00

Cheers Fabio and the FA. Nice work having Theo Walcott break his shoulder in a pointless training session before a pointless friendly.

I do hope Arsenal invoice you each week for his wages. If that happened each time there was a friendly maybe you'd think twide about their relevance

Have a Butcher's

2008-11-20T05:53:00.000+07:00

I'd long since forgotten about Terry Butcher. The former Ipswich and Rangers defender who played loads of times for England is out there somewhere but no one had a scooby where. Not until a microphone was stuck undr his nose and he opined about Diego Maradona.

And it still hurts for him apparently.

I dunno. Fans never forget. Copenhagen 2000, Brussels 1980, York 1985, these results, and may others, stick in the craw and I for one will never forget them and the pain they caused.

But these footballers. It's the last game that counts Brian, and all that stuff and nonsense. Butcher must have played a few games since then. Live with it numpty.

Even his former Ipswich team mate George Burley basically told him to shut the fuck up.

Enough Negativity

2008-11-07T17:55:00.000+07:00

We're only 6 points behind the leaders, things ain't only doom and gloom...yet. Beat United tomorrow and everything will look a whole lot better but who will play?

Three years and same old, same old, it's surely gotta end soon. I mean tomorrow we could have Silvestre back, word has it Arsene is ready to take a gamble on our cheapo signing and boy am I excited.

OK I'm not.

I'm not looking forward to the game. I never look forward to games anyway but especially this one at this time. Beat them with a weakened side and you ask questions. Like how did you blow two goals against the Totts, Stoke away, Fulham away yet suddenly turn in a performance like this against the champions.

Lose and you ask questions. Like has Wenger lost the ability to motivate players?

So so many questions. The lack of answers is frustrating...

Where Next Arsene?

2008-11-06T16:46:00.000+07:00

Now is not a happy time for Arsenal fans. After two straight defeats, sorry but losing two goals in the last moments to Tottenham feels like a loss to me, the storm clouds are hanging over Arsenal and Arsene Wenger. Message boards and blogs are full of fans wondering whether our French manager has lost all touch with reality.

And it’s easy to see why. Fans have long memories. It’s not just Fulham, Stoke and Hull this season. It’s Tottenham, Liverpool and Manchester United in the cups last season. It’s Chelsea in the Carling Cup Final. It’s failing to hold leads in crunch games. It’s an inability to defend the high ball. There’s a pattern there and everyone sees it. Everyone but Wenger.

Our last trophy was a somewhat flukey FA Cup back in 2005. Since then we’ve had plenty of promise, plenty of promises but little glory. Our old guard of Pires, Henry, Vieria and Bergkamp have all moved on and they have not been replaced. This is what truly bemuses Arsenal fans and has done over the last trophy free seasons.

Where once we had Ian Wright followed by Nicolas Anelka and then Thierry Henry we now have Emmanuel Adebayor. I mean I’m sorry but there is no comparison. It was telling that when the Togo striker, ok last season he netted 30 times but at a crucial stage of the season he went missing, was injured at Stoke on Saturday no team mate hurried to check if he was all right. Perhaps he is as popular on the pitch as he is in the stands.

Tony Adams and the rest of the famous back five must be looking at our defence and shaking their heads in disbelief. Arsene Wenger inherited the best defence in the country and never replaced it and for me, and others, that is a crime. Signing aging has beens like Gallas and Silvestre has added nothing to the squad and indeed since Gallas arrived Kolo Toure has been a shadow of the player he once was.

Ah Gallas. Like those anonymous fans on the internet he talks a good game. He rarely plays one. The goals he scores don’t even out the errors he makes at the back that have seen us concede. He brings no leadership on to the pitch at all, rather like Henry’s unhappy spell with the arm band, and the team suffers.

The team. Wenger likes to talk up this team. Like he did last season. Many was the time last season when he bigged up the squad saying they were the best group of players’ he’d ever had at Arsenal. So good in fact he let Hleb, Flamini, Senderos, Lehmann and Gilberto leave. He’s doing again this season. He feels this team are young and still learning but they are very exciting and …spare me Arsene.

Compare the players from our Premier League winning seasons. Overmars, Bergkamp, Wright, Adams, Seaman, Pires, Henry, Bergkamp, Edu, Parlour. Look what we have now. Adebayor, Eboue, Gallas, Silvestre, Song. Only Fabregas and possibly Walcott in the future deserve to be honoured in the same way fans honour those heroes of an earlier age who actually won things.

When we left Highbury we, the fans, were promised the extra revenue generated from the increased capacity would allow us to compete with the big boys. Consider. Manchester United signed Berbatov, Chelsea signed Deco. Liverpool last year signed Torres. We got Silvestre and some Portuguese guy who is always injured. And yet the club like to boast their wage bill is as high as United’s.

Arsenal fans are by nature a patient bunch. Many of us remember the dark days of the mid 1970’s and 1980’s. There is, at the moment, no call to replace Wenger. But he is living now perhaps on the goodwill he has accumulated over the glory days. What is frustrating is that the flaws of the last few seasons have not been fixed. He has not replaced quality with players of a similar stature. And perhaps most worryingly no team wholly built by Wenger has won a trophy

Much now hinges on how quickly Eduardo and Rosicky can recover and whether Arsene gets serious in the January window.

Matty Upson

2008-11-04T11:48:00.000+07:00

When it comes to releasing players it isn't often Wenger drops a bollock. He did with Matty Upson. The defender we signed from Luton for a couple of packets of instant noodles and a subscription to Beezer was allowed to leave because he wanted first team football and Wenger couldn't offer it.

He should have done. He should have stuck him in the heart of the defence and said 'you are my rock, around you will I build a team'.

Upson never really got any long runs in the side, he never was made to feel he was a first team regular. Once he went on loan his Arsenal career was over.

Exactly the same thing happened with Phillipe Senderos. Never getting a good run now quietly shipped away.

Perhaps Upson could do a Keown. When George Graham arrived he didn't fancy Keown's wage demands and let him leave only to bring back a much stronger, more determined player six years later.

But we all now Wenger has no interest in the defence. They're just players to fill out the white board formations. The fact that he continues with Gallas is all the proof we need.

Change the Record, Arsene

2008-10-30T09:55:00.000+07:00

Everytime Arsenal drop points Wenger comes out with the same old nonsense. check out these quotes after disasterously shipping two late goals from that lot up the road.

Gunners manager Arsene Wenger admitted he was annoyed at the way his side threw away their two-goal advantage, but insisted it will be a lesson learned for his young side. - Yep, that Gallas, Silvestre and Almunia, they're pretty young.

"I'm angry because we produced an outstanding game and got the minimum result." Well win the bloody game. Close it down, waste time. Knock the pretty stuff on the head. You're the manager, make it happen. Can you see Chelsea and Manchester United doing what we did in the last two minutes?

"We wanted to win the game and absolutely certainly were a level above Tottenham but we didn't get the points." It doesn't matter what level you think your players were on. The score don't lie and we conceded four goals at home to that lot. Following on from five last year in the Carling. When will these lessons you talk about be learnt?

"This team has outstanding potential but we need to be guarded in decisive moments. But you learn from times like this. It is damaging but it was a derby and I believe it happens in football. The team will learn, they are intelligent.
"If you look at the number of shots compared to goals, they (Spurs) were very well rewarded tonight."

They've been learning three years and nothing has changed. Not even the excuses. You've had chances to improve the defences but refused. Our best days were built around the likes of Adams and Keown. Why not bring someone is to marshal that defence? Instead we have Gallas and Silvestre who have been there and done that yet were allowed to be sold on the cheap to us...shopping at the mini mart won't win us the Premier League

Potential means shit. This team has won nothing and dropping points against dross like Hull, Spurs, Fulham and Sunderland doesn't inspire me with confidence when we play the big teams.

Them There Quiet Fans

2008-10-28T08:14:00.000+07:00

Football as an industry is the envy of the business world. People chop and change banks depending on better interest rates or their latest TV commercial but football fans are less fickle. It’s one club for life. Period. Mostly.

So while banks and airlines can only dream of such brand loyalty they would never dream of criticizing their customers. The headlines would probably cause a run on their shares and the value of the company would nosedive in the wake of such crass, insensitive comments.

Not so in football. Arsene Wenger recently took the opportunity at the Annual General Meeting to have a pop at the Arsenal support saying they were too quiet. Yes, Arsenal fans are quiet. Many of these new, soulless stadiums are on the quiet side these days. The passion and intensity of the terraces have long gone to be replaced by corporates and tourists.

Just what the clubs wanted.

When Arsenal’s new stadium was being designed fans weren’t involved in the process. Instead some highly paid architects and consultants were told to do their thing. And look what they ended up with. An artificial stadium with an artificial atmosphere looking down on players who salaries are in no way artificial.

Look at the great English stadiums and fans had a corner that was their very own. At Arsenal we had the North Bank and the Clock End. Aston Villa had the Holte End and Chelsea had the Shed. These were the parts of the ground where the young, passionate support gathered and it was from here the noise was generated.

New all seater stadiums, 1000 pound season tickets and those corporates and tourists have changed all that.

I used to follow the Arsenal home and away with a group of mates. We’d turn up rain or shine and sit together, stand together, make a racket with thousands of like minded souls.

Now to purchase seats is a lottery. Where you sit depends on what’s available and how quickly you can book on line. It’s like buying tickets to see a movie. If I were to go to a game with my mates now there is little guarantee we’d be sat together. Indeed, we’d be spread round the stadium and instead of being surrounded by our own we’d be sat among camera totting Malaysian tourists who have no conception of the Paddy song.

This is your bed Mr Wenger. It’s what you and the board wanted. At the design stage the club could have insisted on a dedicated end for the home support behind one of the goals but they didn’t. Instead they saw pound signs as they realized people would pay more to sit behind the goals plus the tourists would spend a small fortune in the club shops. Who needs the atmosphere anyway?

Welcome to the new Arsenal. An Arsenal where flags are banned as a health risk, where stewards tell people to sit down and where fans can sms for a steward if they see someone acting in an offensive manner. And for this the fans pay the highest prices in the country.

An Arsenal where the traditional working class support has been priced out, where the post Euro ’96 breed have come into the stadiums, called the game footy and yell the word scum threateningly. Arsenal’s support today is reminiscent of the west end theatres. You sit politely, clap politely, queue politely for the expensive refreshments and leave early to avoid the traffic.

This is the Premier League in the 21st century and it’s exactly what the money men that run the game wanted. For Wenger to shift the blame on the fans is disingenuous. The fans that made the noise are long gone and with ticket prices between 30 and 40 pound a game the next generation just can’t afford to go to games.