Premier League Nonsense

Scottish football – potential or pointless?

The whole notion of a Scottish Premier League is laughable. In a country where two teams win everything how can anything be labelled a premier league?

The current edition is 10 years old and guess what? Celtic have won it six times, Rangers four. In the four years when Celtic didn’t finish top they finished second. In fact the only time any team has intruded on the Old Firm’s duopoly was back in 2006 when Hearts finished second behind Celtic.

The dominance continues to the stats. The top scorers from the last 10 seasons played for either Celtic or Rangers. The players’ player of the year came from Celtic or Rangers. The writer’s player of the year came from Celtic or Rangers. Except for one odd season, 2006, when Hearts Craig Gordon won it. The year Hearts came second.

They also of course boast the biggest stadiums with Celtic’s Parkhead holding nearly 61,000 and Ibrox over 50,000. The next biggest is the rather poncey Pittodrie where Aberdeen rarely fill their 22,000 seater. Teams like Falkirk, St Mirren and Hamilton Academical, fixture fillers and cannon fodder all, have stadiums that hold less than 10,000 and the struggle to fill that.

Then we have the Scottish national team. Once upon a time it was filled with players from the top clubs in England. Not any more. Maybe the talent pool has emptied north of the border. Maybe players from Togo, South Korea and Guatemala are better but we’re seeing less players head south.

It’s come to something when the likes of Craig Gordon and Alan Hutton, two of the Scottish footballs higher profile names, moved south to also rans like Sunderland and Tottenham.

Now the national side gets its players from Cardiff City, Falkirk, a 37 year old journeyman called Graham Alexander and Bristol City. The second most capped player is Darren Fletcher, a bit part player at Manchester United.

One win in their last nine games, and that against the all conquering Iceland, is evidence of Scotland’s fall from grace in the world of football.

Back in 2002 the national side went on a short Asian tour playing games in Hong Kong and South Korea. Perhaps that is the future of Scotland? Pre season tours to places like New Zealand, Canada and South Africa. Places with a large migrant Scottish population who can put on their finest tartan, neck their finest whiskeys and watch their nation’s finest footballers. Get beaten.

Celtic and Rangers. Two of the biggest names in football, they are successful and they get massive crowds. Why don’t we see Singaporeans, Malaysians or Thais wearing hoped shirts or waving the red hand of Ulster? Simple. Because the players aren’t famous. You don’t read about them in the gossip pages.

So Scottish football plods along in its own little way. Sectarian chanting dating back to 17th century Ireland aside the game does little to stir columnists or headline writers outh of the border anymore.

Putting aside the Old Firm’s battles, the game exisits purely for die hards to show how much they love their own side. Sides like Cowdenbeath which you couldn’t find on a map. Since before the second world war they have won just one trophy. Generations have grown up following their side knowing nothing of the glamour their English cousins take for granted.

Calling themselves the Blue Brazil (!) they currently sit top of the Scottish 3rd Division ahead of powerhouses like Montrose and Albion Rovers and doubtless they’re loving every minute of it.

Perhaps, after they fall back into anonymity future generations will be told tales of Gemmell’s brace against Montrose one wet and windy evening by some flat cap wearing old git blabbing contentedly into his half empty glass. And defiantly he will look up and say, ‘aye, I was there.’