Premier League Nonsense

A UEFA spokesman has come out to say his organisation is not systematically anti English. There had been accusations that there was an agenda of sorts being carried out by the gnomes of Geneva but Gaston Gobshite has categorically denied this.

'We treat every case on its merits,' he said. Regarding the Eduardo penalty appeal it was 'obvious something needed to be done and seen to be done because everyone knows Arsenal are a bunching of cheating shit.'

Responding to claims that Wayne Rooney went down too easily when playing for England against Slovenia at Wembley he said 'it may have looked suspicious but I can categorically state that he didn't dive. Because he said on TV he didn't dive and we believe him.'

Diving is bad for the game Gaston went on to explain but it only happens in England. 'I have never seen anyone dive in Italian or Spanish football. Not once.'

'You saw John Terry saying that English players don't dive and he's right. Most don't. But when they play for Arsenal they do.'

Gaston went on to suggest Emmanuel Adebayor is very probably the best player in Europe at the moment and suggests Arsenal fans need to get used to it.

'That incident with van Persie? Van Persie should have got a red card for his disgusting antics trying to discredit a fellow pro.'

Talking about Manchester United Gaston said that it wasn't true that UEFA were scared of Sir Alex Ferguson and he called the chants aimed at Arsene Wenger the voice of a 'minority and not fully representative of the support of the greatest football club in the world.'

Gaston finished the interview saying that English food was the worst in the world and that having once 'snogged' an English girl on the beach at Bournemouth he would 'never wish that on his worst enemy,' likening the experience to sticking his tounge down a toilet roll tube.